Behind Closed Doors: A Crime Story

Crime is the price society pays for abandoning character. – James Q. Wilson

At Grubmeyer’s Markets, Inc., first thing Monday morning, that’s seven a.m., not a minute later, there’s a mandatory staff meeting. A hell of a way to start the week, some say. When old Mr. Grubmeyer was alive, he was always talking about getting a jump on the competition.

We get free coffee and jelly donuts, which is the worst part because I’m watching my weight.

One morning, Juan Martyn, my immediate supervisor, announced a male co-worker’s promotion.  Juan said this was the only promotion for our group this year.

Times are tight.

After the meeting was over, I went to Juan’s office and told him how disappointed I was. I didn’t understand why I wasn’t promoted.

When I had my review with Dick, my old boss, he felt I was very promotable. Juan seemed unmoved.  Apparently, Dick didn’t swing much weight with Juan.  I wanted to find out where I ranked. They say there’s no more ranking, but you know they must be keeping score somehow.

I talked to Juan about the nature of the work I’d been given, about the work women in the group were given.  I deserved to be promoted and I didn’t understand what was going on.  I needed some answers.

Since he was new as my supervisor, Juan didn’t have the answers about where I ranked or why I wasn’t promoted.  He said he’d work on getting that information and let me know what he found out. He listened to my concerns, but he didn’t say very much at all, to tell you the truth.

Felt like he was humoring me.

Juan had said, when he became our supervisor, he intended to have everyone work on all accounts.  That was real important to him, he’d said.  Important to me, too.  You have to be working on our big retail accounts to get the visibility you need for promotion.  But he’s been supervising us since March and here it is July and I haven’t seen any changes at all.

I was concerned about that.

I was concerned I was getting caught in the same cycle all over again.  People telling me I’m doing great work, but not getting the accounts you need to get your name talked about, so you could be promoted.  I wanted to understand why he wasn’t following through on what he said.

If you are working on something important to the company, even work that needs to be done and needs to be done well, if it isn’t the most visible account, your name doesn’t get talked about. That’s a fact of life in the business world.

Any account, if you do quality work, should be reason enough to be promoted. But the only people that get talked about for promotion, they work on the Nordstrom account.  That’s just how it seems, you know what I mean. Chip Herman was promoted and he works on the Nordstrom account.  When people talk about the exciting jobs, the important projects, they always talk about Nordstrom.

The women all get lower visibility projects than the men.

Not fair.

The next day or the day after, I think it was the next day, Juan called me into his office and he closed the door.  He had spoken with Dick.  I ranked in the top quarter of my category.

Not bad.

Should have been higher.  I have problems with those rankings, I told him.  They are not supported by my reviews with Dick or my annual performance reports.

Sometimes I feel like I am going in circles.

Juan talked about what I could do to improve my chances for promotion next year. It was his perception we have a lot of dead time in our group, which I took exception to. I told him I don’t think he understood what we did or how we did it. There wasn’t, quote, dead time, unquote, like he was saying.
He said, well, in any event he wanted me to take those opportunities to seek out projects I thought would be high visibility and initiate them on my own.

Seize the day. He actually said that.

I told him I thought that was everybody’s responsibility, to do good work and save the company money. And saving the company money, of course, is high visibility. As my supervisor, I felt it was his responsibility to help me with those higher visibility projects that would lead to promotion, and to date he hadn’t done that. I was talking specifically about Nordstrom.

He told me that really wasn’t his fault because most of the Nordstrom projects Chip Herman gets are simply called up and given to him directly.

I told Juan I had a hard time with that answer because he had stated it was his goal to have everyone work on all the different accounts. He should work with Nordstrom to make them understand what the goal was, and that didn’t seem to happen.

And Juan said, okay, you know, that’s a good point.
Which really must have pissed him off. Because then he brought up the fact I was pursuing a master’s degree.

He didn’t think a master’s had any benefit at all for promotability. In fact, there was no benefit whatsoever to the company, or to the goals of our work group, for me to continue to pursue my graduate degree. I couldn’t understand that, my degree had been endorsed by Dick. Why bring it up at all?

So Juan repeated himself, saying he didn’t believe pursuing that degree had any benefit at all to the company or the goals of the work group. I was shocked and I was upset.

What? Really? I said, I can’t believe this.

And he said, That’s how I feel.
At that point I was too emotional to continue. I told him I couldn’t talk anymore and I left the room.

A few days later, we met again in his office. He closed the door behind me. No one else was present. Juan said he was responding to a note I had sent him which indicated I was still upset and insulted by what he’d said to me.

He didn’t feel like we could just leave the situation where we had left it and he wanted to talk about the issues further. He asked me if I was willing and I said, yes. And he tried to explain to me what he meant when he said what he said about pursuing my degree.

The first thing he said was, he didn’t say what he had said to me. And I told him that was untrue, he had in fact said what he said three times.

And then he said, I didn’t understand what he said to me. And I told him I’d asked him repeatedly what he meant, so that I would understand. And I felt I had gotten a full understanding because he repeated the same answer to me.

And he said, well, that’s not what I meant.

And I said, please do tell me what you meant.

And what he said was, he meant, in his experience, pursuing a master’s degree didn’t help you with your promotability.

That’s neither what you said, I told him, nor how it seemed at the time you meant what you did say. I was offended by him trying to make me think I was too dumb to understand him and by telling me that, you know, first, I had lied about what he had said and then, second, I was too dumb to understand what he had said to me.
I got mad, I mean, angry again. I said, I’m sorry, I can’t talk about this anymore, I’m too angry, I don’t want to say anything that would be insulting.
He told me, I couldn’t say anything that would be insulting. I said, Oh, yes, I could, and I don’t want to, because I’m still a lady, so I better leave now, and that’s what I did.

Discrimination is a hellhound that gnaws at Negroes in every waking moment of their lives to remind them that the lie of their inferiority is accepted as truth in the society dominating them. – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

About a week later, in his office, we were alone with the door closed. Juan said he wanted to make sure I understood what we had talked about. I told him I understood what his position was and I didn’t agree with it and I thought it was really shortsighted.
Well, we can talk about it some more, he said.

And I said, are you going to say anything different?

And he said, No.

Words to that effect.
Well, I think I understand your position, I said. There’s really no point in discussing it further.

That afternoon Noah Wills, he’s the senior vice president of human resources, asked me to come to his office. Just the two of us. Noah thanked me for coming up to talk to him. And he asked me if it would be okay if he took notes, and I said, yes, of course. And he asked if I minded if he closed the door. I said, no.
He said he wanted to talk about the stuff that had happened with Juan, and we did. He asked me if I thought the situation had been resolved. I told him I understood what Juan’s position was but I couldn’t agree with it. We talked about my history with the company. I’ve been here a long time and this isn’t the first time I’ve been passed over. I talked to him about being told I would be promoted and then not being promoted a few years ago.

Frankly, I don’t think I ever got over that fiasco.

About this year’s promotion, my not getting one, he said he didn’t have the necessary information, he needed to do some investigation before he could answer any of my questions, and he would do that. He would investigate. He needed more time.

Regarding the degree, he told me, of course, the company supports higher education. Of course. But, just because you pursue a degree, doesn’t mean it’s going to be beneficial to the company, and didn’t I agree with that. And I said no, in my particular case, this degree was directly relevant and beneficial.
Noah talked about how some people, when they are pursuing degrees, they take time away from their official duties so they can work on their school assignments, and didn’t I agree that was happening. I told him I didn’t have any information about what other people did when pursuing their degrees. But in pursuing mine I hadn’t done anything like that.
We talked about the list of promotions that had come out last year, and how long the list was. I had looked at the list and I told him I had looked at the original charts, too, and done some quick numbers.

Of all the women available for promotion, only ten percent of the women were promoted, but, of the men available for promotion, twenty percent of the men were promoted.

Twice as many men. Not fair. He told me when they do rankings he puts on blinders and he’s not even aware of those results. I found that hard to believe, I told him. Just looking at this list of promotions should have opened his eyes. Everybody knows statistics don’t lie.

He asked me if I thought there was conscious bias and I said, yes.  He took offense at that.
He asked me why I thought there was conscious bias.  I told him, in light of the fact a lawsuit for sexual discrimination had been filed against the company, in my opinion, they could have – should have – taken a step back after determining the promotions and reviewed what they had done.  Maybe try to gain some perspective.

And the fact they didn’t said it all to me.
I asked for examples of work done by someone at the next highest level. And Noah acted like I was out of line. He said that would be giving out information on a fellow employee’s performance ranking. That’s not what I wanted.

I said, I don’t expect you to talk about people’s rankings with me. But what I wanted to understand was what it was I wasn’t doing, even though I was continually told I was doing such good work, that prevented me from being promoted. The one thing that made sense to me would be to see examples of work by people at the next higher level, see what they are doing that I’m not doing. I wanted to see a standard. Seemed reasonable.

And Noah replied, once again, he couldn’t do that. He asked me what I thought about Juan as a supervisor. I told him I thought Juan was very removed, he didn’t really understand what we did and wasn’t really making any effort to learn. Clueless, I told him.

Noah ended the conversation by asking me if he had said or done anything to offend me, and I said, no. And then he said to me, Well, I just want to conclude by saying, you know, there are some things we just should not talk about.
I looked at him and I said, Well, I’ll tell you, that’s the first thing you’ve said I’ve taken offense to.
He gave me this blank stare. Seemed taken aback.

I said, I feel like I can leave here and talk about everything that was said without any problems and without having to be disciplined for talking about it.
He got angry with me and started to speak in a loud voice.  He said I was deliberately misinterpreting him. That what he was talking about was not discussing other people’s performances.
I reminded him I had never wanted to know about other people’s performance, I simply wanted to improve. Besides, that was not the way his statement sounded to me.  So, I again told him I would leave this meeting and talk about whatever we talked about with whomever I pleased. He said, okay.  And the meeting was over.

Unfortunately, Juan was going to be on vacation and so it would take a couple of weeks until Juan got back to get things resolved.
I waited.

I talked to Juan, saying Noah had told me how many weeks it would take to get this resolved. Time’s up. I asked him, had any progress been made. Juan checked with Noah and then told me the next day they needed more time.

I waited several weeks. Then I asked Juan again if any progress had been made to resolve my issues. I don’t remember exactly how long I waited. I remember being told again they needed more time. They told me how much, weeks. I waited, and when I finally talked to Juan to find out if they had made any progress, he said he’d have to check with Noah.
On that occasion I got a phone message from Noah: he wanted me to call him in a couple of days. I believe he called on a Friday and he told me to call after lunch on Monday. He didn’t say why. Jesus, I don’t know about you, but calls like that from men like that make nerve-wracking weekends for me.

I was off-site when I called him, I think it was around eleven or eleven-thirty, which would have been lunchtime where he was, and he was not there. I tried him a couple of hours later and he was still not there. I sent him a note saying I was sorry I had missed him and I was looking forward to his call.
He finally got in touch with me, I think it was a couple of days later, maybe as much as a week. He told me they were real close to having a resolution but they didn’t have it yet and he would get in touch with me. I said, okay.

Noah called me again, the last week of November. He said I would have to wait until after the layoffs were announced before he told me what the resolution was, but he thought I would like it.  I was glad he said that, otherwise I’d have spent all my time worrying about getting laid off myself.

He asked me if I could wait that long. I said I didn’t want to, this had been taking a very long time and I’d like an answer right now.  And he said, sorry, I was just going to have to wait until after the layoffs were announced. He said, don’t worry about it.

I started worrying.

Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it, without claiming it, she stands up for all women. – Maya Angelou

The Tuesday after the layoffs were announced, much too close to Christmas for my taste, Juan and I were on the speaker phone in the conference room. Noah was in Honolulu attending a conference about the role of euphemisms in the outplacement process. I could almost swear, I’m not positive, I heard the surf splashing in the background.

Noah told me I was promoted and the promotion would be retroactive to July. Which is when Chip Herman was promoted. I asked if that meant I would see a large lump sum of additional cash on my next paycheck and he said, yes.

I said I would look forward to the money.

I asked him to explain why I was being promoted now in November instead of in July. He told me his investigation had determined there was indeed a de facto inequity in the system. I asked him to explain de facto. I have my own understanding, of course, but I was curious to hear his meaning. Noah explained de facto meant something along the lines of the corporation was innocent of any official wrongdoing and everything being equal, life is sometimes still not. Those aren’t his actual words.  I’m not quoting him, you understand.

But that’s why I was being promoted. He never said I deserved a raise. And I felt like I had been rode hard and put away wet, like they say at Grubmeyer’s, Inc. I asked him if he would tell me more and he wouldn’t. He’d only say there was an inequity.

I asked him if the other issues I had raised were going to be addressed, specifically the work assignments given to women.  Noah sounded upset I had asked about that. He said he couldn’t address that issue, he was late for an important meeting.

Juan just sat there. Probably wondering about things like rocks and hard places and claustrophobia.

And then Noah said he wanted to end the conversation by saying we needed to work on having open communication between the two of us. I should feel free to talk to him at any time about anything he said, or did, which I found offensive.

I thought he meant that.

During our conversation, when we were going over issues, he had made a statement several times, and it was the same statement.  You don’t seem to be getting the picture, is what he’d say.  You don’t seem to be getting the picture.

He’d tell me about how Grubby’s operated for everybody’s good and I would say, Wait a minute, what about this?  Or this?  Or this?  Or that!  And he would then say, you don’t seem to be getting the picture.  He said the same thing several times and it always bothered me.  Like he thought I was confused.

And when he said to me he wanted to work on having open communication and I should feel free to tell him any time he said something that was offensive, I said, Well, you know, in this meeting, you’ve said this phrase and I don’t appreciate it when you say that because it always sounds like you think I’m too stupid to understand what you are saying.

He was very offended.  He started to, it sounded like he raised his voice, he was on the phone, so I don’t know for sure.  He wouldn’t let me finish my sentences.  He seemed to be losing his executive demeanor. He told me he didn’t want to have to watch every word that came out of his mouth around me.

I said, You just told me you wanted open communication, for me to tell you when you say something I don’t like. But I’ll really have to think hard before I do that again. He again cut me off in the middle of a sentence, it sounded like he was talking very loud, and he then accused me of refusing to talk to him.

And I said, No, that’s not what I said, I will certainly talk to you about any work-related matters. However, I said, I would seriously have to think twice before I told him again when he offended me.

At that point I was getting quite agitated.

Noah said to me, Well, I think we can end this conversation, I can tell you are upset.

“You got the picture,” I said and we hung up.

That’s when I went back to my office and called my lawyer.

I left the door open, too.

by Jack D. Welch copyright 1995