Was feeling so puny, felt too tired to take a hot tub.
On the lazy scale, how low would that score, I wonder.
No particular reason, if you can ignore tests for cancer,
income reduction, everybody I care about under siege,
the local news, the national news, the world news.
Old lady in Houston dies after her air-conditioner is stolen.
Thief steals blind lady’s pet bird in Orlando.
$60,000 damage done to church A/C unit
as thieves make off with $400 worth of copper parts.
Nine more shot down. For the crime of studying the Bible while black.
Rick Perry running for President again. Oops.
Patience, self-discipline and tenacity come naturally to me at this age.
Aggression not so much.
But would really like to punch somebody in the face about now.
***
Last night I had a dream.
I arrived at the Department Of Motor Vehicles early
because – as we all know – always a long wait.
Got there so early the doors weren’t even open.
I was the first in line.
Then the doors open
and shadowy figures suddenly appear ahead of me.
A large man attempts to push by me.
“Oh, no, you don’t,” I growl,
as I spin him around, grabbing him by the front of his collar.
This I do at astonishing speed.
He looks like a blonde version
of Archie of the old comic books.
He reaches under his sportscoat
and begins to pull out a pistol.
I pin his gun hand with my left forearm
and move my right forearm to his throat.
He gargles hoarsely
and his eyes bug out a little.
“Here’s what gonna happen,” I tell him.
***
By now he has morphed into, can hardly get the words out,
morphed into Mike Huckabuck
who has not yet convinced me same-sex marriage
is a reason you should vote for folks
who want to cut food stamps for poor children.
“Here’s what’s gonna happen,” I tell him.
“I am going to break your Glock,
I am going to break your glasses,
I am going to break your nose.
Hopefully, you will then be sufficiently motivated
to move back to the end of the line.
And take all your friends with you.”
Gurgle was the only response.
“Furthermore, If you fail to do so, I will break your arm,
then your other arm.
Maybe your balls, too.
Do I make myself clear?”
He nodded, but only with his frightened eyes.
***
Just as suddenly
as the shadowy figures had appeared,
they evaporated. I was again at the head of the line.
I felt very strong, very fierce, very tough.
Like that Furiosa babe in Mad Max: Fury Road.
Then I woke up.
***
Know it’s wrong
but if I could just once
power-drive my knee
into my Governor’s balls
Think I might just
sleep better.