I am 68 now and my wife is looking into Medicare. Here’s a piece from a few years ago.
And, no, I am not obsessed, but getting old seems to be the only thing I am doing
consistently on a daily basis.
***
My wife had a birthday this week.
She’s a grandmother in her 60′s and far younger than am I.
I hit 65 in a few weeks and I have signed up for Medicare Advantage.
Already on Social Security.
Don’t really feel old, at least not in my head and heart.
The body is awfully achy, I must admit, especially in the morning.
Had some MRIs done and the young technician asked about this injury and that scar.
I recounted my, umm, plethora of adventures. Mishaps perhaps.
“So, basically, what you’re telling me is, you used your body like an amusement park?”
Better to wear out than rust.
I went for some physical therapy
and the PT folks called one of my surgeons to discuss my capabilities.
Doctor said, “He can watch you.”
I am exercising daily and I weigh less than I did a half century ago. I have a full head of thick hair, albeit silver. And gravity is not my friend.
Peggy says I have become hard of hearing. At least I think that’s what she said.
There are so many things really cool about being old. Wish I could remember what they were.
Apparently, this aging crap is not limited to yours truly. As the following tales suggest.
I know not from wherence they cameth.
***
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.
During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
‘Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?’, he asks.
‘Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?’
‘Sure..’
‘Don’t you think you should write it down, so you can remember it?’, she asks.
‘No, I can remember it..’
‘Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?’
He says, ‘I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.’
‘I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down, please.’
Irritated, he says, ‘I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream – I got it, for goodness sake!’
Then he toddles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.
‘Where’s my toast ?’
***
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great… I would recommend it very highly.’
The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’
The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know…. The one that’s red and has thorns.’
‘Do you mean a rose?’
‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man.
He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’
***
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down, I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.’
***
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
‘So I hear you’re getting married?’
‘Yep!’
‘Do I know her?’
‘Nope!’
‘This woman, is she good looking?’
‘Not really.’
‘Is she a good cook?’
‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’
‘Does she have lots of money?’
‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’
‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?
‘Because she can still drive!’
***
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’
Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’
Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer..’
***
A man was telling his neighbor, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid.
It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art.. It’s perfect.’
‘Really,’ answered the neighbor . ‘What kind is it?’
‘Twelve thirty..’
***
Morris, an 82 -year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’
Morris replied, ‘Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”
The doctor said, ‘I didn’t say that. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’
***
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool…
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’
‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’
***
My recent diagnosis of systemic rheumatoid arthritis – which seems redundant – was so liberating. At last an explanation for the pain. And then… and then – thanks be to government healthcare – suddenly there’s medication and suddenly much of the pain is gone. A big weight lifted.- JDW