(Im)Proving Myself

One characteristic of winners is they always look upon themselves as a do-it-yourself project. – Denis Waitley

I am in no mood to write because I am scheduled for surgery in a couple of days. Oh, no, it’s today! So, my week involves blood tests and chest x-rays and an ultrasound. Many, many forms and ‘oh, she called in sick, so we didn’t get to that yet.’

I am in no mood to write, so I explore some drafts already started and find a piece I wrote about the surgery on my other foot.

Yes, it’s just a foot, but I only have two and I like both because I use them every day. I am in constant pain and my balance is shot, but I still manage four to five miles daily. A slow walk feels like a hard run. Life is good.

That right foot surgery was eight years ago, turns out. Like my toes.

Here’s what I didn’t tell you then and so I am telling you now.

Once upon a time I loved an older woman.  I was twelve, she was thirteen.

And then I never saw her again.

But I did hear from her more than a half-century later.

Apparently, she remains as kind and as smart as I remember.

Seems she had stumbled across my blog and was a little concerned about my upcoming surgery.

Which, let’s be honest, I had made out to be fairly serious.

Aging Is A Game. Fitness Is A Battle. Life Is A School.

When I explained the surgery was on my foot and I should be back on my feet in eight weeks, she was supportive and encouraging.

“You’ll  be okay,” she told me. “Change is stressful  but  you’re tough– I mean STRONG.”  And that helped.

 Writing helps, too.  So I tried to explain myself.

I have to write about something, I told her.  And blogging can be difficult as my daily life is rather unremarkable.
My mind is amazingly fertile but my waking hours offer little to write about.
And so a trip to the doctor’s … and Michael Jordan being miserable…  and aging actually does fascinate me….
And my entire life I have unsuccessfully sought to successfully maintain success.  Took me a long time to understand that was simply how life is.
Which is why I so love this song.
 
But, as we age, it seems more difficult to bounce back.  But we must.
I understand how lucky I am to be me and to be living this life the way I do.
Sometimes I have to talk out loud to remind myself. And I know how unfortunate others might be. Some financial, some physical, some otherwise.
I have friends battling cancer.  Again.
I really do understand how lucky I am.
I was merely venting my “anger” about not being able to maintain my schedule of improvement. That was my rationale.
 
But I am an athlete and sport keeps me sane.
The doctor showed me the x-rays and I have no other option.  I then questioned him about the use of the word “elective.”
I am having trouble with the concept of no exercise for 8 weeks.  I am having trouble with the fitness I will lose.
I worry about a full recovery.  (And those weeks are going to be little fun.)
 
Ironically, exercise is how I deal with worry.  That was the real cry in my blog.  I am prepared to convince myself I will be restored to “better than new” and recover my fitness faster than anyone can imagine.
It will be tough but I am that crazy.  Crazy enough to believe it, crazy enough to do it.  That’s what I told her.
 
“Why do you feel the need to prove yourself?”, my friend asked.
My immediate response perhaps lacked sufficient humility.
“Trust me.  I am the last person who thinks he needs to prove himself.”
But she got me to thinking.
Was I trying to prove something?
 
And the answer is an emphatic…  I don’t think so.
One score and a decade or more ago, I constructed my life philosophy:
Become Your Own Hero.
And so I am always seeking to improve myself.
Physically, my hero is fit, lean, agile.
He works out on a daily basis.
Fitness is only part of who he is, but it is an important part.
And it is a process, a continual attempt to get better in some way.
 
And now I am going to get better next week by having some bones shaved and some pins inserted and wearing a boot for two months.
And then I will maintain a positive attitude.
And plot an amazing comeback.
Maybe buy some stretchy pants.
Big boy pants.
Be badass.

The 2021 operation is more complicated and so the recovery period is projected to be eight to twelve weeks in a boot. Guessing I heal more slowly.

Coming after fifteen months of viral house arrest, a guy could feel sorry for himself.

But I still have the boot from last time and I still have the spin bike.

I still have the same wife but the dog is different.

I Hebeat Novam Pes (I Have A New Foot)
The 2013 recovery went well.
Odds & Ends