Apparently, Hunter S. Thompson would write routinely these unique letters of application to no avail. Turns out I did much the same thing years later.- JDW…..
Powell Butte
Portland Parks and Recreation
1120 S.W. 5th Avenue
Room 1302
Portland, Oregon 97204
Dear Park Protectors:
I am writing in response to your recent public notice seeking applicants for the CARETAKER position serving Powell Butte Nature Park. Please put me on your short list for consideration.
My name is Barker Ajax and I am a professional freelance writer. The nature of my work requires many hours at home and the residence at the Park is an ideal setting. I am an animal lover and tracker, a mountain biker, a jogger and hiker, and committed personally to our green spaces. That’s why I want the job.
My specific qualifications for the caretaker’s position?
1. During a four-year military career, my latrine hygiene skills were regularly noted by my superiors; I have not lost the knack with a mop.
2. I currently live on ten acres of wooded foothill in Yamhill County and I daily open and close the driveway gate. Haven’t missed a morning or night in eighteen months.
3. I provide litter patrol on a volunteer basis in the forest next door; mostly, shotgun shells, condoms and beer cans. My latest bottle deposit profit was $5.25. The trails look better and the bending must be good for me.
4. I can dial nine-one-one as fast as the next person. But only when necessary, of course. Prevention is the best problem solver.
In addition to my military experience, I worked three or four years (1969-72) as a facilities protection officer for IBM at the computer giant’s Armonk, New York headquarters. I served as a night watchman/security guard with round-the-clock, and front desk, responsibilities. I am good with people, hard to rattle, unafraid of the dark, and more than ready to do the job exactly the way you’d want it done.
A prize-winning poet, I am a caretaker by nature. I am observant by habit and training. I sleep with one eye open. As an athlete, I can still spend a couple of hours a day actually on the trails of the Park. Although I could list dozens of additional reasons you should make me your writer-in-residence, I will save the remainders for the appropriate time, an interview perhaps.
Thank you in advance for your call.
Respectfully,
BARKER AJAX