No matter how far you’ve gone down the wrong road, turn around. – Barker Ajax
GRACELAND IS CLOSED ON TUESDAY. ELVIS REMAINS BURIED SEVEN DAYS A WEEK.
Some information you won’t find in the press packet for Graceland, the former home and current burial site of “The King,” Elvis Aaron Presley. The press packet doesn’t mention Elvis’ father, Vernon, was an ex-con, whose moonshining activities caused the Presley family to get run out of Mississippi. That’s low. At age 11 Elvis got his first guitar as a birthday gift from his mother. Press packet doesn’t mention he’d been hoping for a shotgun. Years later, Elvis shot a television because Robert Goulet was singing on the screen.
Elvis died while sitting on the toilet. He was reading a book entitled THE SCIENTIFIC SEARCH FOR THE FACE OF JESUS.
The drugs Codeine, Nembutal, Pentobarbital, Valium, Valmid, Qualudes, Placidyl, Phenobarbital, and Morphine, depressants mostly, were found in his body.
“Elvis taught white people how to get down,” James Brown once said.
Not all roads lead to Graceland. “Take Elvis Presley Boulevard and it runs right into it,” Mr. Memphis Hospitality told us. He’s never actually been there himself.
Almost drove past the place.
Parking across the street from the mansion costs $2 but for some reason the uniformed guard waves Merry Miler through for free. “In the ghetto….” Elvis’ music is broadcast over loudspeakers across the parking lot.
You can tour his airplanes. Or you can tour his bus. Or you can tour his garage (SEE ELVIS’ ACTUAL GASOLINE CREDIT CARDS! Only $3.50 extra.) Or you can tour Graceland itself. But not on Tuesdays. And certainly not for free.
Tuesdays, Graceland is closed. You can’t actually get inside Elvis’ home on Tuesday.
You can have lunch at the HEARTBREAK HOTEL restaurant any day of the week. We checked in with the so-called publicity department. In halting English, Jack D explained we were writing on spec for Der Spiegel. “Vee vere hoping for, how you say, gratis ducats and an escorted tour.”
Minutes later. Still outside. Alone, we walked up to Graceland mansion. A couple of days before Thanksgiving, half way up the drive, there’s a pre-Nativity scene in the middle of the brown lawn. Plastic holy figures are standing around an empty manger. Jesus is missing.
From the outside, Graceland really doesn’t look like much. There’s a sub-division just beyond the fence. A different uniformed guard kept us off the grass and away from the front entrance. The place was so normal, could have belonged to someone’s aunt. Or the suburban linoleum contractor’s wife.
At the top of the knoll, off to the right, still outside, a number of worshipful fans stood around THE MEDITATION GARDEN. “Please Do Not Throw Coins In The Pool.” It’s the only place here you’re not hit up for a buck.
Elvis’ memorial stone is right there next to tranquil waters. Next to his grandmother Minnie Mae and his father, Vernon Elvis Presley. Christ on the cross overlooks the site. An eternal flame burns. Huge and recently delivered floral bouquets surround the grave.
Elvis gets flowers every day.
A steady stream of people floated by, respecting the spiritual importance of this sacred place. No one spoke. One guy sneezed; everyone glared at him. Benches are provided for long-term viewing. The front gate of Graceland features cast iron musical notes and the figure of a lone guitarist. Graffiti literally covers every guitar-pluckin’ inch of the white cement barricade fence fronting the property. Fans have left poems of eternal dedication. People scrawl they will always miss The King. People report spotting The King. Messages include the location of the Wendy’s where the KING is working now. “LOVE” is scrawled before each fan’s name.
Every day of the week, souvenirs are available in the Elvis gift shops. PAPERWEIGHTS CONTAINING THE ACTUAL SOIL FROM GRACELAND for $28.95. You can mail your precious mementos to loved ones from the Elvis Presley Branch of the United State Post Office. Every day.
Could Elvis really be alive after all these years? Well, we never actually got to see the body.
My guess is, you can probably find him home Tuesdays.