I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is fourteen days. – Totie Fields
Whatever I do
Can’t seem to lose weight.
Not true
but it is so fuckin’ hard
and takes so much fuckin’ work
and I am only so strong.
Take yesterday for example,
please.
Started with one percent milk over
organic granola enhanced with
chia seeds.
Liter of filtered water.
Six-mile run.
Lunch on cottage cheese,
large-curd and fruit cocktail in water.
Organic walnut pieces.
Liter of filtered water.
Thirty-three minutes on the
spinbike.
Reminded I have no ass.
Why 33 minutes?
Girlfriend maybe 25 years ago
a real witch
nice, smart, pretty lady told me.
six is my lucky number.
More water and a
beer.
Maybe another beer.
Really, who counts?
Dinner might be fish and a not-
so-simple salad.
My wife is like some
ninja salad master.
Of course, the crumbly blue cheese
dressing don’t hurt none.
Great with a beer.
As is true with the latest episode of
Justified. I am so
Raylan. Wife’s favorite show is
The Walking Dead.
That’s too cute.
I’ll be honest.
Might be somewhat biased.
Her favorite show
used to be
Snapped!
About wives who kill their husbands.
“Making plans?,” I once asked her.
“You’ll never see
it coming,” she replied.
And I believe her.
But I digress.
Diets are a mystery.
Grab another beer,
have to think the culprit
is that creamy dressing.