The old man was wondering if he agreed with those worthy sentiments when spoken by a hot immigrant model with a thick European accent.
Or did he still like the original speech when given by an American-born lawyer of color who is obviously a good wife and mother.
Where the hell is that survey, he wondered.
The old man tried to watch the Republican convention. He really did. There was a show called Naked and Afraid XXL, which you might only watch if they were actually naked and afraid. But you never did watch because the promotional advertisements are retchworthy. Convention seems like that but without the blurry body parts. Delegates obviously eat better. Most of them with your tax dollars.
Duck Dynasty seems the perfect slogan for a Trump presidency. First night the old man kept hoping they’d bring back Eastwood and his empty chair.
Next day, desperate to learn what he missed, the old man turned on Fox News. Show called Outnumbered, where you got two or three idiots and your normally intelligent empty suit. Try as he might – not very hard at all – he couldn’t tell which one of them was outnumbered.
Luckily, for interest sake, the folks at Fox decided to change up the subject. Apparently, yesterday, working hard the way they do, they’d been outdoors shooting their A block, cause you know we’re so savvy. And the wind came up and gusted the skirts and, oh my Gosh, the curls.
“My bangs were sitting smack on my forehead, and then swoosh.” Cut to lovely blonde weather babe who is, like, I know, wow, what a breeze. Yessir. That was a cold front. Oh, my Gosh. A cold front. Yes, it was.
Again he wondered. Another example how Roger Ailes and the Koch brothers are trying to win the war on climate change? You be the judge, America. You’ve all been outdoors. Qualified!!
Really, a cold front in Cleveland in July. Like that would actually happen?
Back to you, Clint.
