All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher. – Ambrose Bierce
The old man had this idea, his wife said was a delusion. See the power of words. Tomato, tomatoe. Half full, half empty. The power of words. One man’s idea is another woman’s delusion.
Was it deluded to think a couple of kids from Columbia’s film school. a Muslim and a Jew, might some day do a retrospective bio-documentary of the old man? Like you see late at night on PBS. Had many favorites, but one stuck in his mind – A Man Named Pearl – was the old African-American who sculpted bushes and trees into a surrealist zoo garden. Pearl Fryar was his name.
Intimate exploration, the history of a primitive indigenous Viking-American artist and explorer. Between what the old man had actually done and what he imagined he had actually done, well, it’s quite a story.
Just the journey from fat boy to World’s Slowest Professional Runner, then hiding in a remote cabin in plain sight before emerging as the World’s Most Famous Unknown Writer. A seamless – oh, the power of words – seamless transition over only four, just four, decades.
He was hoping after touring the film fests and speaking at colleges, he could donate his papers, photos. Bunch of fun stuff. Track-Side Photo pass from the 1976 U.S.A. Olympic Trials. About the time the gun sounded for that seamless transition.
Here’s the majority of a newspaper column from the streets of Downtown PDX. Back when it was normal. Title of the column was AT LARGE. September 5, 1990.
Just then I drove across two lanes of oncoming traffic and parked at Blockbuster Video (1972 W. Burnside). “Do you see what I see?”
Barker looked. “You meaning Elvis Presley holding the door?”
“So, it’s not my imagination. Good. I’ve heard about this kind of sighting.”
It wasn’t Elvis after all, but Ron Travis, who looks enough like Elvis to be his long lost twin. Only skinnier. Big sideburns, big pompadour. Big Cadillac parked outside. He was wearing a white jumpsuit festooned with red, white and blue beads of glass. A big gold chain hung from a wide white belt. Big.
“I have a real problem going any place. I can’t even pull up to a stoplight,” Travis told me. Apparently, a lot of fans remain unsure Elvis is truly deceased. “I’d be a liar though if I said I didn’t enjoy it. Because I like people.”
He likes them enough to be an entertainer, headlining a two-and-a-half-hour “Las Vegas-style show,” complete with comedian, ventriloquist, magician and dancers. You can catch his act at the Portland Airport Holiday Inn, Oct. 13, and the Wilsonville Holiday Inn on Oct. 17. Mark your calendar.
I’ll probably stay home and watch a video. Something perhaps from the Le Bad Cinema section. Something like CHAINED FOR LIFE: The Intimate Loves and Lives of the Hilton Sisters. Who, as you know, are World Famous Siamese Twins. It starts off as a semi-musical, then one of the twins – I don’t know if it’s Daisy or Violet – is accused of murder.
“If convicted, should the guilty twin be executed? Should the innocent twin die for a crime she never committed? You be the judge.”
Then there’s some really awful stuff. Like EEGAH! A million-year-old giant is discovered in the hippie ’60s by a “sexy, swinging teeny-bopper.” Of course, they fall in love. “A cruel and uncaring public hunts them down. It’s the first and only prehistoric-rock-musical-romantic-tragedy. The promotional (?) material, with not a little pride, calls EEGAH! one of the three worst movies of all time.
And that doesn’t even take into consideration ROCK ‘N ROLL WRESTLING WOMEN VS. THE AZTEC APE or THE TERROR OF TINY TOWN, with a cast made up entirely of midgets. (No, I don’t know if they are riding Shetland ponies.) Or MAN BEAST. These Abdominal Snowmen “have murder and cross-breeding on their primitive minds.”
If you are looking for something a tad tamer, there’s VIDEO FIREPLACE. “No logs to haul! No ashes to clean! Relax in the glow of a crackling wood-burning fire.”
How about ARF!? “At last! A video variety show just for dogs. And it’s canine approved!” It is, too. Just listen to what one critic had to say. “Achtarf! Achtarf!” – Fritz, a German Shepherd. I am not chewing your slippers here, folks.
Now your dog can watch his own TV show… with programs like ‘Mild Kingdom,’ with Merlin Perkinese, ‘Recipes To Lick Your Chops Over,’ with Julia Chow, and the popular game show, ‘Boners’…”
More serious fare perhaps. Check out the Instructional section. “How To Beat A Speeding Ticket.” And… “How To Read A Woman Like A Book.” It’s a 30-minute-lomg “penetrating and humorous guide to the mystery of female signals.”
Wait! A book?
On second thought, this might be a good time to renew your library card.
I was front row when Roy Orbison – in between comebacks – played the Portland Airport Holiday Inn.