There’s a Spanish proverb, the day you marry, it is either kill or cure.
This is my family. That’s Hagrid on the right. Miss Peggy in red. The little white fluffy creature is Dixie. Don’t be deceived. By either of them.
Oh, the wife and Pomeranian are actual size.
I know what you’re thinking – Holy Crap! That’s a big dog. Trust me, he’s a great deal larger inside your small house. One of his nicknames is ‘Inconveniently Located.’ The big fella can block a hallway.
But that’s good. He’s my security. First line at least. That’s if you get past Peggy & Dixie.
I retired. Decided I wanted a super hero by my side. He’s my buddy, but he is scared to death of Peggy. We trained him that way. I’m his buddy, she’s the boss. We’re all good.
So, Hagrid is always positioned between access to me and moi. Kinda comforting really. Imagine Ghandi off his meds with an AK-47. And he snores but that’s another story.
Suffice to say, when the German Shepherds can’t get the job done, the Rooskys call in the Caucasian Ovcharkas.
Dixie? Talk about your multiple personalities. She was Mother Teresa, Nurse Ratched, Rachel Ray, Miss Piggy. Not to mention Cujo and BFF. Through good times and bad, Dixie was there for you. An exemplary wingman & a truly superb sleeper. As My Mom used to say, she had her shit together.
Gone now. Replaced by Lily. You don’t want to know.
Peggy? What to say about Miss Peggy? Geezus, as My Mom used to say. Where to start?
She picked me up.
Turns out her actual name is Topaz Malone, she’s in Witness Protection and she’s got a government job. That’s her cover.
Trust me – nobody will think to look for us here. There’s not a book store in the county. Don’t get me started.
Anyway, I describe my wife as a blonde dyslexic genius. No bullshit, well, you can guess who used to say that. And funny? You could say that. She could hurt you. And smart. I am still trying to figure just how smart.
But directionally-challenged. Can’t quite figure out which is left and which is right.
It’s where your thumb is on the inside toward the beach, I tell her.
She says that’s no help at all.
And we’ve been together, married now ten years. Never had an argument. There was a harsh sentence once. And she apologized. And I improved.
This is not our first rodeo, not for either of us. So we both win a big buckle.
That’s the cure. That and a dog or two.