Welcome to the shit show.
Exercise? I thought you said, extra fries.
I’m outdoorsy. I drink my wine on the patio.
Tomorrow. A mythical land where I get all my stuff done.
Sorry I’m late… I didn’t want to come.
Remember back when Sarah Palin was the craziest person in politics?
Good times.
Hey vegetarians. My food poops on your food!
Don’t grow up. It’s a trap.
It’s all shits & giggles until someone giggles & shits.
I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you.
Before you judge me make sure you’re perfect.
I can’t be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
So when is this ‘old enough to know better’ supposed to kick in?
I meant to behave but there were too many other options.
Geezer. Not young. Not dead. Somewhere in between.
Keep talking. I’m diagnosing you.
Forecast for tonight. Alcohol, low standards & poor decisions.
Prayer. The world’s greatest wireless connection.
You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.
If I woke up in the morning and nothing hurt, I would think I was dead.
Life is too short to waste time matching socks.
Listen & silent have the same letters. Coincidence?
Instead of “Have a nice day” I think I’ll start saying “Have the day you deserve.”
You know, let karma sort that out.
