Bloomsday: “You’re Too Fat For Those Tights!”

Bloomsday: Spokane’s iconic annual 12K race, organized by the Lilac Bloomsday Association, attracts thousands each May. Since 1977, it’s been a beloved tradition fostering health, fitness, and community spirit. The challenging course winds through scenic streets, showcasing landmarks and providing a unique experience for runners of all levels. Beyond a sporting event, Bloomsday is a celebration of camaraderie, athleticism, and the enduring spirit of the Lilac City.

2014 Bloomsday. Thank you, Don Kardong.

They were NOT tights. They were therapeutic compression stockings.

Happy 10th Anniversary to me. My award-winning collection came out in April 2014. Original plan was to break the book at the Boston Marathon, because I know some people.

But those same folks were in mourning. First anniversary of The Bombing seemed neither time nor place.

Instead, I went to Spokane, Bloomsday, because I know some people. Okay, I know one guy, but some days – right time, right place – one guy can be enough.

Didn’t hurt the Bloomsday Road Runners Club was hosting the 56th RRCA National Convention.

Know a lot of those people. Waited almost four decades to shake the hand of Harold Tinsley. Shook now.

Not The Rookie’s fault the book didn’t sell. Oh, wait, maybe it is?

My publisher arranged my one and only book store signing event at Auntie’s, the best bookstore between Powell’s and Chicago. Everything was going great, as I imagined the line of eager book buyers snaking out the door and around the block.

I told Ken Martin – in town for his induction into the RRCA Hall of Fame – about the time I was only guy at a Joe Henderson book signing. He said he’d be there.

For those of you here for the free verse poetry or political diatribes, Mr. Martin is one of the few American athletes to run a sub-four minute mile and a sub-2:10 marathon. Sans super shoes, of course.

Things at the Chinese restaurant next door turned frighteningly smoky and I was dismayed when the entire Spokane fire department emptied Auntie’s of prospective book buyers while first responders with red helmets and black axes scoured the shelves for flames.

Flames as imaginary as the line snaking around the block.

Right before somebody pulled the fire alarm. (with Ken Martin)

May Day!  May Day!!  That’s a big ass hill.

I first ran Bloomsday in 1978.  I think.  Best kind of finish, downhill with cheering crowds on both sides.

That might have been the year I looked at the subscription list for RUNNING magazine and got in touch with Len Long, a Spokane high school track coach.

‘Can me and a couple of buddies stay with you?’

‘Sure, just throw your bags on the floor. I’ll leave the door open.’

Next morning, I am in my sleeping bag on some stranger’s hardwood floor and this beautiful woman comes down the stairs and says, I’ll get the coffee going’ and then two more beautiful much younger girls come down the stairs and I couldn’t help thinking, don’t suppose you folks ever heard of Ted Bundy. Seems like he was in the news.

1979 maybe. Managed to stow away on the VIP bus to the elite athlete dinner. We’re in some snappy condo atop Mount Spokane and by the time the real Ric Rojas finally showed up, I’d already eaten his medium-rare steak.

I remember running with Don on one of his regular routes and asking, ‘why do they call this Rattlesnake Ridge?’ Quite an honor running with this great Olympian. Back in the day, before Mark Few started coaching at Gonzaga, in Spokane, only Tony Sneva was more famous than Don Kardong.

Just imagine – if he’d been awarded his medal at the 1976 Montreal Olympics – how famous he’d be today. There’s still time. Where’s Don’s Bronze???

1980. We launched the NIKE version of RUNNING magazine at Bloomsday. That might’ve been the year I got right in the front row with all the invited athletes and there’s this little man, 118-pound part mountain goat from Colombia next to me and I could hear him laugh silently to himself in a language foreign to me.

Later, I sat on the stoop of a tavern and shared a doobie with a world record holder.

With Shadrack Biwott and Ken Martin

2014, loaded to the gills with pain killers, I ran all twelve kilometers (7.46 miles) and it took me twice as long as it once did. Half as fast as I once was.

Always loved Bloomsday. The actual competition not so much.  That course used to eat me up.  Was all I could do to get back to the bar at the Davenport. That year 2014 was no different. Shout out to Chuck Bartlett!

Few memories from that day. A Marine platoon, dressed in desert camo, double-time marched past me. I can still hear their loud ‘hup-hup-hupping.’ Like they are not even breathing hard. Like they were rubbing it in.

Flashback to 1965. Lackland AFB. Too scared to make a mistake, I was among the best damn marchers EVER. “T.I., T.I., don’t be blue, Frankenstein was ugly, too. Sound off! One, two three four. Bring it on down.”

In the Lilac City, little girls in fluorescent tutus, like butterflies who sting. Mocking me with their giggles and magic wands.

“You’re so slow, the glitter sticks.” Heeheehee.

The young ones are the worst, with their flawless skin and bright futures.

“Sir, are you okay?”

Words can have power, words can hurt.

“You make Forrest Gump look like The Flash!”

I always thought of Bloomsday as a celebration of the word and literature.

And everybody knows it’s easier to run 12K than it is to finish Jame Joyce’s Ulysses.

So, I was somewhat nonplussed to see a Free Speech Statement on http://bloomsdayrun.org/

Even looked up nonplussed to make certain I was using just the right word, the word I meant.

“(of a person) surprised and confused so much that they are unsure how to react.”

Free Speech Statement

Bloomsday and Free Speech

At Bloomsday, we pride ourselves in creating a spectacular experience for our participants on one of the most beautiful and band-filled race courses in the country. We are also lucky to have thousands of spectators, families, and friends who line the 12k course and cheer Bloomies on their way to earning the coveted Finisher’s T-shirt.

Unfortunately, some of those lining our scenic course route are not applauding. Some are demonstrating for causes or vocalizing beliefs in a way that the great majority of us find to be extremely distasteful and inappropriate for this family event. Over the past years, some of our participants have expressed to us that we should do more to remove individuals displaying offensive material on “our course.”

While Bloomsday is certainly in agreement that the race day should be free of offensive language and pictures, we do not control areas outside of the race course itself. On race day, protestors, without our approval, occupy private or public land along the course and exercise their First Amendment rights of free speech.

Bloomsday deserves to be a celebration of spring and an accomplishment to be proud of for everyone who runs or walks 7.46 miles with over 40,000 of their closest friends. Bloomsday will do everything in its power to make the race experience an outstanding one over what we control. For those activities that go beyond our course into areas that we do not govern, thank you for understanding that these activities are in no way condoned, authorized, sanctioned or permitted by the Lilac Bloomsday Association.

“Hey you! Yeah, you. Lady pushing the stroller!  Slow down, you’re hurting an old man’s feelings.”

Bet she doesn’t even have a kid in there.

Bloomsday Logo

Lilac Bloomsday Run 12K (27th PRRO Championship)

A classic Northwest road race. Nearly 45,000 participants enjoy close to 30 performers along the route, which weaves across the Spokane River gorge before finishing above awe-inspiring falls.

May 5, 2024 Spokane, WA https://bloomsdayrun.org/prro-circuit/

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