The Heart Of A Forty-Year-Old (40)

The old man had been trying to put together yet another, merde, he got up to pee and he can’t remember now what the hell he was trying to put together. So, he took a moment and started something else he didn’t yet know what that was.  Oh, okay, I remember now.
Doctor says my kidney is “fine” and I’m gonna live.
Yeah, we could be talkin’ some real George Burns level shit here.
Where was I?
Oh…
So this alleged nurse practitioner tells me, and I quote,
“You may be in your 70s, but your heart is in its 40s.”
Sometimes a guy hears something so crazy, he doesn’t have to make it up.
But it got me thinking about a lot of stuff I had not thought about before.
How old is my dick?
My bones feel about two hundred years old.  It hurts to be this awesome.  It’s a lot of hard work.  It’s fucking fatiguing.
And the doctor says crap, like, you are doing great, keep it up.
Basically, bite a stick.
He’s a chubby guy.  But that’s not important.
The old man was reading a book about Cicero B.C. and watching a show on PBS – that budget needs gutting, right? – which is set in B.C.E.
Which means Before Common Era, I think.  Because, believe it or not, have some faith here, not everybody believes in Christ.
Just sayin.’
And in the time of Caesar and Pompeii, there was fake news.  And propaganda.
If they only had social media like today…
A guy I used to work for at the Census sent me an e-mail he thought was fake and I had to tell him, no, buddy, I live here and that all sounds spot on.

Dating Ads for Seniors, found in A Florida Newspaper

‘The Villages’ Dating Ads

You can say what you want about Florida, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north.

These are actual ads seen in ”The Villages” Florida newspaper.  Who says seniors don’t have a sense of humor?

FOXY LADY

Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80’s, slim, 5’4′ (used to be 5’6′).
Searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.  Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT

Recent widow, who has just buried fourth husband, looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot.

Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath, not a problem.

SERENITY NOW

I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga, and meditation.

If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

WINNING SMILE

Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.

BEATLES OR STONES

I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar.

If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let’s get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.

MEMORIES

I can usually remember Monday through Thursday.
If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let’s put our two heads together.

MINT CONDITION

Male, 1932 model, high mileage, good condition,some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves.

Isn’t in running condition, but walks well.

AND FINALLY

A lady in the Villages in Florida (a senior retirement community), was sitting on a bench, near another bench with a gentleman sitting on the bench.

She asked him if he was new to the community and he said “No, I have owned a condo here for 20 years”.

She then said “I have been here for 15 years and I have never seen you around!”.

He then said “I have been in prison for the last 17 years!”

She was stunned and finally asked him what he had done.  He said that he had murdered his first wife!

She was stunned again and after a long pause, she said… So you’re SINGLE???

Do not regret growing old, it is a privilege denied to many.

Denied to too many.

Greetings From The Zika Zone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpVCL00fPAc

The Mind Game

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