There’s a creek runs right next to my parent’s double-wide manufactured home in a manicured retirement community of 1308 similar aluminum-sided dwellings. Just down the creek, one hot day, a nine-year-old tyke jumped into the water to cool off.
The headline, BOY THANKFUL TO HAVE SURVIVED CLASH WITH GATOR, doesn’t do justice to the 11-foot 8-inch creature.
“I was dog-paddling,” recalled little Larry. “I bumped him, and his mouth was open and he swung his head.” As you might well imagine, the kid’s whole life flashed in front of him. Breast feeding, the Muppets, pre-school, Mr. Rogers, kindergarten, Saturday morning cartoons, first through fourth grades, t-ball.
When the gator bit his knee, “it felt weird,” Larry said, “but it didn’t hurt.”
The so-called Sunshine State (state theme: Not All Gators ‘n’ Skeeters) has its shadier side.
“A Florida man who told authorities that at least two men attacked him and cut off his genitalia has recanted his story and now says he mutilated himself.
“Terry Grice, 26, of Grand Ridge told investigators he built a wooden rack designed to stretch his penis and testicles away from his body so he could cut them off with an electric circular saw,” said Sheriff’s Major John Dennis. Grice’s genitals were severed in the predawn hours of June 10. He put the severed organs in the back of his pickup truck and drove 50 miles to a hospital in Dothan.
“Grice’s family has requested that no information on the procedure or his condition be released.”
Hmmm, what could they be hiding, I wonder. I know what you must be thinking… Couldn’t he have squeezed his organs into the pickup’s cab?
Officials of Florida Wildlife Park – people with regular paychecks- announced they plan to place mirrors around a half-dozen flamingos in the park, because the birds become more sexually excitable if they’re in a group.
“Above a circular, revolving bed is always a good spot for me,” said Dr. Suzee Humphrey, Beastiologist at Florida T&A and State Wildlife Park consultant. “So we’ll probably set up a mirror above the nest.”