What we have once enjoyed we can never lose; all that we love deeply is a part of us. – Helen Keller
I don’t go to the gym, I don’t go to the dog park.
One lunch a month maybe.
A couple doctor’s visits (four annually, if the Good Lord provides)
Two or three to dentist. Hopefully less.
Same with the lady I live with.
Go together the rest of the time.
Just my life these days. Not a bad thing.
After all, the word ‘wife’, you recall, comes from the original oath, Woman I Follow Everywhere.
This may surprise you, but I am not a member of the local community’s Men’s Club.
Tried to play poker at the Clubhouse once. I used to be a winning semi-pro. These guys were playing games I never heard of. For pennies.
If you know me, then you know I would normally just go once and give them all my pennies and never go back. Didn’t even do that.
My wife named my car Denzel. Black and handsome. Lean and powerful and comfortable. Classy. Anniversary Special Edition. #23 of 500.
Cherry when I got it.
This is the perfect, do-it-all car that is guaranteed to amaze you with its versatility!! Less than 19k miles!!! You don’t have to worry about depreciation on this great Vehicle!!!!.. ELECTRIFYING!!! Chrysler CERTIFIED!! Priced below KBB Retail!!! Rack up savings on this specially-priced Vehicle… CARFAX 1 owner and buyback guarantee! Safety Features Include: ABS, Traction control, Curtain airbags, Passenger Airbag, Front fog/driving lights…Relax in the comfort of features like: Leather seats, Bluetooth, Power locks, Power windows, Heated seats…Chrysler Certified Pre-Owned means you not only get the reassurance of a 3Mo/3,000 Mile Maximum Care Limited Warranty, but also up to a 7-Year/100,000-Mile Powertrain Limited Warranty, a 125-point inspection/reconditioning, 24hr roadside assistance, rental car benefits, and a complete CARFAX vehicle history report.
If Nike made a sedan, they would make Denzel. 363 horsepower Smart Hemi. Every option known to Detroit in 2012. Beverage chiller/heater. Sexy.
My wife’s car – Esther May – is herself a sweet ride.
Esther May, I’m told, was a sainted aunt, long dead.
Changed her car’s name so many times.
Used to be Sofia. Then my wife made friends with a couple classy females with the same name.
Not that Esther May ain’t classy. The World’s Most Expensive Malibu is often mistaken for a Mercedes or Audi coupe.
Metalflake pearl with two-tone leather interior. Turbo. Not completely embarrassing.
My charge was to get rid of the Mopar. Didn’t even want to.
And then figure out how to maximize its value.
Wondering how to cash out without getting too badly cheated.
Divorce forces sale.
The old man across the street dumped this lovely lady who was much too good for him. Around here, eighty-five-year-old men are taking in topless dancers to look after them and this geezer dumps, well, something of an angel. [Hoping she buys me lunch. – ed. note]
I am a bit of a misanthrope – and I’ll deny I said that – but you could actually have an adult conversation with her. {Seafood.}
First the big dog, then this. After Hagrid died, I had the HUGE doggy door erased. That door – a foot off the ground at the bottom – all by itself was a burglary deterrent. In ten years, I tell people, I lost neither sheep nor sleep. Now I leave a few recent copies of Combat Shotgunner on a reading table in the lanai.
Hagrid gone, now Denzel. Lot for an old man to absorb. Wanted to own a car since I was about three. Maybe two. First I crawled, then I walked, next I wanted a car.
The old man across the street let me park Denzel under his carport. Out of the sun. In the shade. It was nice.
Cut to the chase. Can’t park there any more. The Young Redhead retired and became The Mother Of All Dragons and Esther May never leaves the driveway.
It ain’t in the way if you are not going anywhere anyhow.
I. Am. Not. Like. Other. People.
Don’t want me in your club? I start my own club.
Lose my parking spot? I don’t get a new parking spot. I get rid of the Mopar.
Life is still good. Jack Reacher don’t own no car.