On The Way Back Home

On the way back home,

an elderly couple approaches

the entrance to a store.

The doors slide open automatically.

The old man says nostalgically,

“I remember the days

when you had to open the doors by yourself.”

Florida was a paradise once.

That’s why people started moving here.

Like to see the beauty before all paved over.

Thomas Edison once offered to install electricity in Fort Meyers.

The town fathers declined the offer,

fearing it would keep their cattle awake at night.

I picked up a copy of FLORIDA SINGLES magazine.

There’s a photo of an attractive blonde.

What I’d call your Reese Witherspoon-type.

“Debbie Dehaven is a teacher with a unique idea.

She teaches safe sex with walnuts.

Each nut has a condom inside.

She says, ‘Teaching safe sex is a hard nut to crack.’ ”

Pulled into Miami, hot, tired,

NASCAR race in nearby Homestead,

finally find a vacancy,

Rosalita, the desk clerk says,

something sounds like

How are you?

and I reply, stiff and achey.

so she says,

Well, Senor Stiffenachy,

do you have a reservation?

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Stephen Miller: Paint for Hair, Shit for Brains. Painting by Jim Carrey.

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