Overheard at the Chinese Buffet.
At first I was fine.
Then something happened.
My childhood.
***
Not that I have too much stuff
I just don’t have enough space.
And then her dog sat in my lap.
Her dog.
Dog doesn’t sit in just anybody’s lap.
***
Too crowded those places
where I used to go alone.
So, I just stay home.
Just stay home with her.
Ain’t that always the way.
Stop looking for a nymphomaniac
who can cook,
that’s just when you find her.
***
How often do you shave,
if you don’t mind me asking?
Every time I have sex.
Guess that explains the beard.
***
My husband left me alone
at the flea market.
I had the least number
of tattoos of anybody there
Including the infants in strollers.
Including the infants in strollers.
Fewer piercings, too.
He.
Just.
Left.
Me.
There.
Alone.
***
There’s only two things
that can go wrong
What’s that?
Your health, of course
and something else
I’m unable to guess.
***
We don’t let people visit
not in our home,
no guests at all ever
because we don’t want any
DNA evidence.
***
I was thinking
You been thinking what?
Well, I was thinking
maybe we could pull up the rug
and see if there’s hardwood underneath.
Sweetie, it’s a trailer.
You’ve been watching too much
HGTV.
***
Yeah, right there
right then I shot him.
What I have
can’t be taught.
Dude, everybody’s got one.