Belated Mother’s Day Card

That’s me on the right, in the mid-century bolo tie.

   1.*_ My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE_*.
   ‘If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.’

   2.*_ My mother taught me RELIGION_*.
   ‘You better pray that will come out of the carpet.’

   3.*_ My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL_*.
   ‘If you don’t wise up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!’

   4..*_ My mother taught me LOGIC_*.
   ‘Because I said so, that’s why.’

   5.*_ My mother taught me MORE LOGIC_*.
   ‘If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going shopping with me.’

   6.*_ My mother taught me FORESIGHT_*.
   ‘Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.’

   7.*_ My mother taught me IRONY_*
   ‘Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.’

   8.*_ My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS_*.
   ‘Shut your mouth and eat your dinner.’

   9.*_ My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM_*.
   ‘Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!’

   10…*_ My mother taught me about STAMINA_*.
   ‘You’ll sit there until those vegetables are gone.’

   11.*_ My mother taught me about WEATHER_*.
   ‘This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.’

   12.*_ My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY_*.
   ‘If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!’

   13*_ My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE_*.
   ‘I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.’

   14.*_My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION_*.
   ‘Stop acting like your father!’

   15.*_ My mother taught me about ENVY_*.
   ‘There are millions of less fortunate children in this world
   who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.’

   16.*_ My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION_*.
   ‘Just wait until we get home.’

   17.*_ My mother taught me about RECEIVING_*.
   ‘You are going to get it when you get home!’

   18.*_ My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE_*.
   ‘If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to stick that way.’

   19.*_ My mother taught me ESP_*.
   ‘Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?’

   20.*_ My mother taught me HUMOR_*.
   ‘When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.’

   21.*_ My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT_*.
   ‘If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.’

   22.*_ My mother taught me GENETICS._*
   ‘You’re just like your father.’

   23.*_ My mother taught me about my ROOTS_*..
   ‘Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a stable?’

   24.*_ My mother taught me WISDOM_*.
   ‘When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.’