Being relaxed, at peace with yourself, confident, emotionally neutral, loose, and free-floating – these are the keys to successful performance in almost everything. – Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
In the course of coaching young poker pros, I came across the work of Zoe Routh. Routh self-describes as a “leadership mentor and speaker. English-born, Canadian-raised, Australian-adopted, Outdoor Adventurist and Experiential Educator, Truth Teller, Learner, Cancer Dancer, One-Time Belly Dancer, Aspiring Telemark Skier, Slayer of Dragons, Mother of Chickens.” Seemed like she might have something worth listening to.
Every time a client sits across from me I can see their Inner Rock Star. Clear as a bell. I see their passion, their vigour, their purpose, and the most awesome version of who they are. Present tense.
They don’t always see what I do. At first.
Why do we get stuck in self-doubt? Why does self-confidence wobble?
Perhaps a better question, and the one I’m going to answer, is what do we do about it?
Here are 3 ways to be a superstar, with rock-solid confidence.
First, where does confidence come from?
From evidence of achievements. We do something, we get results. Like when I did my first abseil: I had no idea I could actually walk backwards over a cliff hanging onto a rope and not fall to the ground in a smushed mess, or at least dissolve into a puddle of weeping quivers. Then I did it. And then I knew. Instant confidence that I could overcome even the scariest of situations.
From others’ approval and recognition. A sad but true fact is that we often take much more stock in what others say about us than we do about ourselves. And when they say nice things that can give us a boost of esteem.i
From our own recognition and self-validation. This is the most important aspect of self-confidence, and the one mastered least easily.When a client shows up with wobbly self-image and their inner rock star needs some coaxing to come out and play, this is what I prescribe:
Rack up the achievements: write out for each decade of your life, ten things you are proud of that you achieved/experienced/accomplished. Once you start this list you can really get on a roll.
Solicit feedback: I ask clients to ask 3-5 trusted friends/associates/family members to tell them/write an email about what they most value and appreciate about them. To get over the awkwardness factor I tell them to say, “As homework from my coach”. Feel free to steal that one.
Top the charts: this means, put yourself at the top of the priority list. Relentless self-first practises will boost resilience, reserves, and confidence. You need to be ruthless with this one: exercise time is sacrosanct, meditation time/you time is booked in and zealously adhered to, moisturise, pedicure, manicure, get enough sleep, and so on. Look after you. Nothing happens in your life without the ‘you’ part.
The greatest gift we can give ourselves and model for our loved ones is a life well lived.
In today’s upside-down world, action is our primary modus operandi. Consider tweaking your idea of action and focus, and try these five strategies — maybe, one baby step at a time. They are proven techniques with big rewards. They cannot hurt, and they can clearly help. Your life will become happier, steadier, and more balanced – and isn’t that what it’s all about?