The highest reward for a person’s toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it. – John Ruskin
Life and poker – together or apart but worse together – can be hard to handle.
A big problem in my life is I want money because I need money but I hate to chase money. And turns out, this is just so disappointing I can’t tell you, I am not a money magnet.
Those that can, do. So, I became a life coach for young poker professionals. All male, I should note. Couldn’t in all good conscience counsel a young female. Honestly, I have no idea what she’s thinking. And I was charging a decent hourly rate.
I did get an iPad in exchange for a session or two. That young man had a weight problem, I think, so I gave him my usual advice about the lighter the chassis, the zippier the motor. Told him the truth. When I was your age, I lost eighty pounds and became a marathon runner. And it just got better after that.
Where was I? Oh yeah, so I lost fifty-five pounds and I didn’t even know I was fat. I learned so much from these guys.
Alexander “Assassinato” Fitzgerald is the student who has taught me the most. He’s lost some weight himself.
by Alexander Assassinato Fitzgerald. (Title by Phil Knight)
Alex, I am prepared to work for months if not years before I see results.”
“That’s not enough,” I responded. “You have to be content with the fact it might never come.”
“…I don’t know if I’m comfortable with that.”
“Then you don’t love this game. You’re expecting an eventual payout.”
You know how to get a woman to fall in love with you?
You genuinely don’t desire a thing from her.
You take her out for the fun of it. You listen to her. You genuinely enjoy her company. You don’t look for a payout.
Poker and life are the same way.
One time a young man told me, “I would kill to have what you have.”
I answered, “you would kill because it would take twenty minutes. You’d never put in the time I’ve put in.”
It is more than likely that I will never be a superstar player. There is a great chance I will never win a WSOP bracelet. I have devoted 25,000+ hours of my life to poker over 12 years, and Ben Affleck has a bigger tournament score than I do.
And it does not matter.
I never did this for the money.
I never did it because I loved cards.
I did it for the thrill of working hard on something that might not work out.
I did it to master a skill. I did it to master myself.
Many people get into poker hoping to make a quick buck. That is the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life.
Poker mastery requires so many hours. You could easily pass the bar exam in the same timeframe.
People think they are going to achieve some kind of immortality with poker greatness. That one makes me laugh harder.
Do you know who Franklin Pierce was?
He was a U.S. president. If you didn’t know who he was, who do you think is going to remember your cardplaying accomplishments in a hundred years?
“Some people make money at poker really quickly,” you might say.
How many of your heroes from the mid-2000s are touring pros now? How many of the big cash game players from then are still lighting it up around the world?
I don’t think they can call you a champion until you get hit. Even losers can win on a hot streak. And the fact of matter is, most people go on their first serious downswing and disappear. You don’t know what they’re up to because they’re broke.
If you want this, you need to love discipline for discipline’s sake.
I wanted to kill myself when I was in high school. I could not believe that I was forced, by state law, to enter an institution every day where my hours were metered out without my consent.
The idea of consenting to another four years of that was insane to me.
The idea of pining for a corporate job where I’d have my very life decided for me by the opinions of my superiors was more frightening to me.
Yes, you can consent to these jobs. There’s no shame in them. It’s the safe option. If you have a family, it’s the noble and sane option.
But life is like that beautiful woman across the bar. If you don’t muster the courage to go up and talk to her then you have chosen failure 100% of the time.
Even if the chances of her not waving you off are 1% that is still an increase from 0%.
The pain is good. It means you didn’t choose failure.
I’ve literally slept in a 24-hour café because I couldn’t afford a hotel for the night. I’ve been broke in more countries than most people have visited. I have been on my own since high school. Many times, I have chosen to live in squalor, so I could continue pursuing my dream.
But I would never trade it for anything.
If I died tonight, I’d be sad. I did not come this far to come this far. There is a great deal I still want to do. I am happier than I’ve ever been now. I am in better shape than I’ve ever been. I’m bone sober. I don’t want things to end now.
But if I died I could not say, “this is unfair. I did not live a full life.”
Yes, it was harrowing. But I spent a decade abroad because whenever a trip came up I took it. I’ve seen 40+ countries and hundreds of cities. I didn’t just visit them either. I lived in them. I worked in them. I learned to speak their languages.
Through all the pain there is nothing like going for your dream. Nothing.
The real wealth is the all-nighters, reaching for one more goal. It’s waking up at 7:00 AM to lift weights. It’s sitting in a cardroom, grinding it out, seeking one more angle.
It’s pushing yourself.
That burn. It never dies. Failure can’t even stop it.
In that burn, you never worry that you gave up on yourself. You know you’re a man. You know you’re alive.
That feeling is worth more than any trophy or dollar total. And once you learn to seek only that, then the trophies and money will come.