NORTH KOREA (The Borowitz Report)—Setting foot in North Korea for the first time, on Sunday, President Donald Trump praised that nation’s dictator, Kim Jong Un, for his efforts on immigration, telling Kim, “No one is trying to get into your country.”
After crossing into North Korea from the Demilitarized Zone, Trump remarked to the North Korean leader, “Your border is amazing! There are no people whatsoever trying to get in. You should see our border—it’s a complete mess.”
Barely containing his envy, Trump continued, “Of course, you don’t have Congress to deal with, like I do. They’ve caused all the problems I’ve had on immigration. You’ve got a much better deal. You want to build a wall, you build a wall. No one can tell you you can’t.”
Surveying the border admiringly, Trump bemoaned the brevity of his impromptu visit with Kim. “I have so much to learn from you,” Trump said. “You must be doing something right.”
Chairman Kim has no border crisis. There’s that. People know their place.
Complete absence of black and brown people. No Don Jr.
No nettlesome fake news to cause trouble and spread truth. Only one television channel and Kim’s the Programmer-In-Chief.
He did all of this without Russian help. Parades whenever he wants and his people kill themselves to see who cheers the loudest.
Pictures of him everywhere. Like a god.
There’s no Baby Kim In Diapers balloon. Nobody makes fun of the Dear Leader’s hairdo.
Many people have told me, the way to Make America Greater is to make it more like North Korea.
You understand that.