I’ve been absolutely terrified every moment of my life, and I’ve never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do. – Georgia O’Keeffe
If you study winning poker players, you will learn – repeatedly – what they all possess. Aggression is the first word in cash game success. Patience is a dominant trait among tournament heroes. Confidence is universal among winners.
And winners enjoy these talents because they are optimistic about the future, which is often defined by something as simple as the next deal.
Losers, on the other hand, are pessimistic. Losers are not only fearful of what awaits, they aren’t so sure about their own skills. Losers are worried about bad luck or donks or rigged RNGs (random number generator) or the enmity of the poker gods. Winners make things happen; losers have things happen to them.
The behavior is circular and self-fulfilling. Self-talking, you might even say.
We all have conversations with ourselves, our inner selves. The key to success often lies in what we are saying and how well we are listening. Crazy people have been known to explain themselves by saying, “I do whatever the little voices in my head tell me to do.”
Sane people have their own voices.
Losers are typically frightened, perhaps even scared stiff. The voices are telling them to be afraid. ‘Be very afraid.’ You will never see those chips again. He’s gonna suck out. OMG.’
Winners might be afraid but they act anyway. The little voices in the heads of winners say stuff like ‘you will win the next hand. Just do it. Lose this one, you’ll win the next. Nice hand.’ We all – crazy or not – listen to the voices inside our heads.
Self-sabotage is behavior contradictory to what we profess – or pretend – to desire. We say we want to get in shape but we don’t exercise. We say we want to quit drinking, then we head to the liquor store. We aspire to poker success but we don’t properly manage our bankrolls. We are determined to focus, then we light up the bong. ‘I can exercise later. I play better after a couple of stiff drinks. What harm can a couple of tokes do?’
We sabotage ourselves when we listen to the voices which give us the wrong advice.
The answer to self-sabotage, oddly enough, is to listen to those voices in our heads. Be conscious of the message that direct your life. Listen to yourself and what you are saying on the inside. Then create a dialogue. Talk back to your self. In order to change, to improve, to become a bigger winner, you have to talk to your inner coach. If your coach was sitting next to you, what would he say?
These inner coaches are our survival mechanisms and they each think they are acting in our best interests. You see, there are actually benefits to all our actions, even the ones that seem bad for us. If we play above our limits, we are gambling, we are taking a shot, we are being gutsy. If we spend all our time playing and none studying, we are maximizing our real-time learning. If we don’t ask the pretty girl to dance, we can’t get rejected. These are the voices of self-sabotage.
Unless you reach some agreement with the little voices, you cannot change, you cannot improve. To make changes, you have to substitute new behavior to provide the benefit of the problem you are trying to solve.
If alcohol is your painkiller, find a new medication. If your bankroll is too light to move up to higher stakes, stay away from the pit and sports bets. Replace a negative addiction with a positive addiction.
Listen to yourself. Let your internal coach guide you to triumph. If the current voice is consistently wrong, shut out the sound. Hire a new coach with a new voice.
Think about what I’m saying. More importantly, think about what your little voices are telling you. There is a voice inside you that knows you can be great and you won’t listen to him. Let him out. Listen. Hear what he is telling you. And talk back. Coach yourself. Remember, life is short, but it’s wide.
What are your voices telling you???