I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to be decades younger. I wanted to be everything except what I was. Unfortunately, at a certain age, wanting something you can’t be or wanting what you can’t have can become a way of life. – Dave Robicheaux (James Lee Burke. The New Iberia Blues.)
You take a hit of bubble-gum-flavored whoknows.
It’s smoke, it’s liquid, it’s weed. It works.
The blonde babe in the short skirt with the big boobs and hoop earrings has breaking news.
Oh, my God.
Turns out ingesting a dubious chemical into your natural lungs may be hazardous to your health.
This is coming completely out of left field. Who could have ever imagined.
Next they’ll be telling you – some day – you are going to regert one of your tattoos.
You don’t have any tattoos.
Permanently disfiguring yourself at great expense seems too much like downhill skiing.
You take another hit and remember the 1950s when you could get a piece of gum the size of your ear for a penny.
You could usually come up with a penny.
Inside was a comic, in addition to the bubblegum which tasted like a rainbow unicorn’s vagina.
You wanted to think ‘pussy’ but you are worried Alexa will report you to your wife.
Hard, real hard, to watch Fox News and not think of blonde babes gone wild.
MSNBC has lesbians, Joe Scarborough’s hair and broads who lead with their brains.
You have yet to find a bubblegum that tastes like that.
You take another hit.
Vaping kills.
You take another hit.
Reminds you of the damn grocery store, can’t say its name, you used to work there.
Okay, it’s Publix, where they routinely discontinue your personal favorite treats that make life worth living.
Black cherry yogurt? Gone? Bacon horseradish dip? Gone. Jalapeno Spam? Nowhere to be found.
You purse your lips, pull softly and hold…
Then you cough.
You don’t worry about flavored e-products getting banned.
Already illegal here.
Just funny. Funny ironic.
The next day, that boobilicious blonde babe is telling you, the same guys want to reduce emissions control.
You wonder what they must be smoking.