In accordance with my instructions, I didn’t eat any solid food that day;
all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. – Dave Barry
When every meal begins to feel like a game of Russian roulette, it might be time to seek medical advice. Been waiting for my stomach to explode like the dining room scene in “Alien.” The last couple of wellness visits, the doctor taps my stomach like she’s trying to pick out a ripe watermelon for the family’s Fourth Of July picnic.
Not good enough, I say and insist on some tests. Need to know if that really is a nest of roiling hot vipers in my guts or am I okay.
“A ventral hernia. da Vinci surgical method, minimally invasive. Three or four holes in your side. One-night stay. No problem if the bowel and the mesh from previous surgery are not combined. Separating the two gets dicy, if intertwined. But fairly typical, we’ll be prepared.
“Results rarely get stronger after the third repair. Back to normal in three weeks. Try not to herniate yourself again.”
Didn’t try the last time. Tell you the truth, I stopped listening when he started talking about the small bowel getting twisted outside the muscle wall and old mesh may tear.
Minimally invasive, far as I’m concerned, means you are doing it to somebody else.
Scariest damn doctor left me with a sheet of instructions.
Start bowel prep the day before surgery unless otherwise instructed.
Superbowl Sunday, I want to wait for other instructions, but my wife says no.
Drink magnesium citrate every four hours starting at 8 a.m. Take one Dulcolax laxative pill at 6 p.m. and one at 8 p.m.
Then there’s the pills, antibiotics: Neomycin 500 mg and Flagyl 500 mg.
Take 1 pill of each @ 1 p.m., 2 p.m. and 9 p.m. Geezus, I’m trying to watch a ballgame here.
Do Not Consume Any Of The Following: Dairy products, pineapple, orange or grapefruit juices, red, orange or purple drinks.
You may take your heart, blood pressure, seizure, thyroid and breathing medications with a sip of water the morning of.
Nothing to eat or drink after midnight accept for morning medications as directed. Typos never make me confident.
My surgery is scheduled for 1:45 p.m. Monday. That’s about forty (40) hours without solid food. No nachos for the big game.
How do folks cope, I wondered. Did a little research. The colon cancer community has it down to a science.
1. ADJUST YOUR DIET A FEW DAYS BEFORE COLONOSCOPY PREP NIGHT.
Eating smaller portions and low-fiber foods a few days before you plan to do colonoscopy prep can help the evening go smoothly.
What to eat before bowel prep
What you choose to eat and drink a few days prior to a colonoscopy can impact how “clean out” night goes. Here’s what our advocates recommend:
- Digestive tea
- Soups
- Smoothies
- Eggs
- Rice
- Salmon
- Chicken
- Steamed vegetables
- Pasta
- Lighter-colored foods
What not to eat before colonoscopy prep
- Nuts and seeds (including wraps and breads containing them)
- Popcorn
- Red meat
- Fried, heavy foods
- Raw vegetables
- Corn, peas, apple skins and other fiber-filled foods that are hard to digest
- Anything bright red in color
Decrease meal size
Several survivors say decreasing the size of their meals a few days before starting colonoscopy prep also makes it go easier and smoother.
2. DRINK THE COLONOSCOPY PREP LAXATIVE COLD.
Survivors recommend drinking the laxative cold – and through a straw for best results.
CHOOSE YUMMY DRINKS FOR THE LIQUID DIET.
The day prior to a colonoscopy, patients need to fast and stick to a liquid diet. What you choose to drink can make or break your colonoscopy prep experience.
Favorite drinks for colonoscopy prep
- Organic low-sodium broth
- Really good JELL-O (not red, orange or purple)
- Martinelli’s Gold Medal apple juice
- White grape juice
- Flavored sparkling water
- 7-UP or Sprite
- Good coffee (without creamer)
- Gummy bears – pull out the red and purple ones, and suck the light ones for a little treat
Electrolytes
Some survivors have also found electrolyte drinks, such as Pedialyte, can provide important hydration prior to the procedure.
BATHROOM PREP FOR BOWEL PREP.
Once the colonoscopy prep laxative begins working, you’ll spend A LOT of time in the bathroom! Here’s what you’ll need to make it a good experience.
Wet wipes
Dude wipes and Preparation H are two advocate favorites, but several brands produce medicated and non-medicated wet wipes.
Good toilet paper
Double-ply, soft toilet paper will be important as you prep for your colonoscopy. (And a critical must-have if you don’t use moist wipes.) Several brands make “gentle” toilet paper with aloe that can alleviate itching and burning – something that is common when you’re making frequent tips to the toilet.
Creams and oils
Some survivors say creams and oils can help either prevent or soothe irritation. Favorites include
- Vaseline
- Coconut oil
- Butt paste
Some find that a cool, wet washcloth or drawing a bath also helps with irritation.
Phone chargers and light reading
“Charge your phone and get a good book to read – you will be in the bathroom a lot!” -Amanda Houston, stage II survivor
Whether you plan to be on your phone, laptop or tablet, find your chargers before your laxative drink kicks in. Magazines like Beyond Blue and videos with patient stories can remind you of the reason you’re going through colonoscopy prep night and its importance!
Stretchy pants
Elastic-waisted pants will be a lifesaver once the laxative begins working – you won’t have time to mess with buttons!
5. DOUBLE-CHECK WHEN TO START DRINKING LAXATIVE.
Double-check your doctor’s instructions regarding when to begin your colonoscopy prep and bump it up a few hours earlier, if possible, so you’re not up all night rushing to the bathroom.
Depending on the prep recommended for you, your doctor’s office should indicate what time to begin taking either pills or the laxative drink. Some colonoscopy preps are taken in one evening, others may be a “split-dose” and taken between an evening and the following morning.
If you begin drinking the colonoscopy prep in the evening, bump up the start time a few hours earlier to prevent using the restroom all night. Each person’s body is different – for some, it works right away and others it takes several hours. Give yourself plenty of time for the laxative to start working.
Colonoscopy prep instructions
Despite what the packaging or instructions on your colonoscopy prep product may say, always check with your doctor’s office and know what time they advise you to stop drinking liquids. This can impact your anesthesia during the colonoscopy.
6. FINISH ALL COLONOSCOPY PREP STEPS.
It may be tempting to stop drinking all of the colonoscopy prep if your stools are running clear, but it’s important to complete all of the steps.
It’s not uncommon for the laxative to work right away and within the first few trips! But, even if you start to “run clear,” meaning your stools have turned liquid and are lighter in color, it’s important to finish the entire colonoscopy prep process.
Many bowel prep products include several drinks or pills to take – make sure to take them all for a total cleanout and effective scope.
If you’re wanting to quit early, just remind yourself the prep is the hardest part!
It’s enough to take your mind off the end of American democracy as we know it. No shit.
Remember – if you can see through it, you can probably have it.
