Right now, in Trump’s America, white people need to be better—particularly when it comes to helping the most vulnerable. Damon Young, a self-described professional black person, has some advice on how to do just that.

[This article first appeared two and a half years ago and nothing has gotten better. Black Lives Matter.]

White People Need to Be Better

By Damon Young for GQ. January 30, 2017.

Ten days.

That span of time is all it took for the Trump administration to render due process obsolete, to have an entire fucking gender take to the streets in protest, to discombobulate our airports, to introduce the world to alternative facts, to ban a couple hundred million people from entering our country, and to turn Uber CEO Travis Kalanick into Bubbles from The Wire.

Our country, which was never as just and moral and righteous as we claimed ourselves to be, can no longer even feign that those concepts have any sort of singular and practical application here. And the only takeaway from the week-and-a-half-long reign of Darth Cheeto and his band of nihilistic chickenhawks—the only useful and pragmatic takeaway, rather—is that this is on y’all. And by “y’all” I mean “white people.”

Of course, both the nation’s and the world’s most vulnerable people will continue to bear the brunt of America’s antagonism. This will not change. What also remains unchanged is that we (the vulnerable people) will continue to find ways to fight against it, to protect ourselves from it, to refuse to succumb to it, and to etch space within it to still find time to breathe, love, live, and appreciate biopics about iconic ‘80s boy bands. Again, this has happened before, it’s happening now, and it will continue to happen for the foreseeable future. Although this shit affects us disproportionately, it ain’t on us.

But if America is actually serious about living up to its ideals and resisting Fuckface McPussyGrabber, white people need to be better. It’s white people who have to learn how to be better citizens, friends, and allies. White people who need to be better patriots, neighbors, and Christians (if applicable). And it’s white people who have to get y’all’s backwards cousins forward-facing somehow, because we just aren’t equipped with the tools necessary (say, conveniently acceptable whiteness) to do it ourselves.

How? Well, while I don’t have much experience being white, I do possess a PhD in white people. (I earned it while applying for the Platinum-Level Race Card membership package.) So I have some starter tips.

1. Accept that what’s happening in America right now IS about race and racism.

Please, stop resisting it. And just trust us when we tell you that “Make America Great Again” and the Muslim ban and the Birther movement and the repealing of numerous voter’s rights laws and the repeated references to Chicago’s “inner cities” and the anger about immigrants and the appointments of white nationalists like Steve Bannon and the angst about “losing the country,” is about race and racism (generally) and the need to retain white supremacy (specifically). Trust me. As muddled as things seem right now, they’ll become much clearer once you accept this. Also, it’s impossible for you, white person, to be better if you don’t acknowledge this strikingly (and annoyingly) evident truth.

Of course, it being about race doesn’t mean that it was only about race and racism. The Godfather wasn’t just about the Mafia. It was also about family, loyalty, bootstrapping, the concept of the American Dream, garroting (and other uniquely vicious ways of murdering people and racehorses), and cannoli. But you can not pretend that the specific rules and mores and traditions of the Mafia—and the violence associated with it—didn’t wield an influence on everything else. The Godfather without the Mafia is basically just The Notebook. And America without race and racism permeating everything is just an episode of Friends.

2. Accept that white supremacy is bad, and then challenge it.

Once you’ve acknowledged and accepted that white supremacy is an actual foundation thing, next comes the understanding of its panoramic and all-encompassing effect on everything from educational opportunities and wealth accumulation to the criminal justice system and even life expectancy. There is nothing that could call itself American that hasn’t been affected by it. And then, once this knowledge has been received, (hopefully) comes the conclusion that white supremacy is, in fact, a bad thing. And if it’s a bad thing, you should not want it to be a thing anymore.

Now, the dismantling of white supremacy doesn’t mean that black (or Mexican or Puerto Rican) supremacy will take its place. The bad part of white supremacy isn’t the white part; it’s the other thing. As long as your whiteness and your cultural identity isn’t infused with (and dependent on) a notion of superiority, keep it! Be as white as you can be! It’s the supremacy, the part where one group of people rules over all other groups of people—that’s the bad part. You can keep NASCAR and Lululemon.

3. Learn how to be a fucking guest.

I have an asshole friend who hates it when he’s asked to remove his shoes when visiting someone’s house. He hates it so much, in fact, that he occasionally goes to game nights and dinner parties sockless just so he has an excuse to keep his shoes on.

This asshole friend may or may not be me. (Okay, it’s totally me.) (I like keeping my shoes on because I have nice shoes that accentuate the hell out of my outfits. Plus, I’m 6-foot-1 and a half. But I refer to myself as 6-foot-2. But I’m only 6-foot-2 when I’m wearing shoes.)

“America without race and racism permeating everything is just an episode of Friends.”

Anyway, I’m sharing this because it reminds me of the entitlement-based difficulty white people have when they happen to be a guest in someone else’s space. And I’m not talking about homes per se, but hair and skin that doesn’t belong to them (and therefore can’t be touched without permission); and words that don’t belong to them (and therefore can’t be used); and customs that don’t belong to them (and therefore should be used with respect for and appreciation of the culture they came from); and feelings and/or experiences that don’t belong to them (and therefore shouldn’t be dismissed as illogical or insignificant).

Admittedly, this inability to be a guest is understandable. If you’ve been conditioned to believe that manifest destiny is a God-given birthright, a belief that everything belongs to you—including other people’s shit—is natural. But everything doesn’t belong to you. Basically, if the host asks you to take off your shoes, just take off your fucking shoes, man.

4. Don’t be scared to get your feelings hurt. Because they will get hurt.

Last summer, I was invited to the University of Houston for a Q&A about race and media. The event was comprised of a 45 minute conversation between a moderator and myself, and then 15 minutes of questions from the audience. During the latter period, a particularly earnest white student expressed a desire to be more active politically. Specifically, she wanted to do more to confront and challenge racism, but wanted to know if there was a way to do that without potentially harming relationships with her friends and family members. I don’t remember exactly what I said in response, but I do remembering thinking that just saying “No, next question” would be insensitive. So I came up with maybe 200 additional words to say what could be boiled down to those three.

The point is, this whole “being a better white person” thing will not be easy. You might lose friends and destroy relationships with family members when they become aware of your work or when you confront their racism. You might get your feelings hurt when listening to a speech deconstructing the danger of whiteness or reading a piece giving you tips on how to be a better white person. As well-intentioned as you might be, you might say or do the wrong thing and then hear about it. But if you’re sincerely motivated to do this work, you have to immerse yourself in it and remove your ego from it. There’s no other way to proceed. Also, try possessing a bit of perspective. Would you rather have your feelings hurt a little bit while fighting oppression? Or would you rather actually be oppressed?

Fortunately, there is hope for white people just yet! Just this weekend we witnessed dozens of predominately white lawyers risking their freedom to fight against the Muslim ban. And at the time of this writing, thousands of white people are still at airports, protesting in support of people held there illegally. There are already numerous other white people committed to the cause; there just needs to be more of you. And the more need to do more. And then, when we’re done with Trump and racism and white supremacy, maybe we can finally have that long talk about chicken seasoning.

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2020/06/american-nightmare/612457/