I’m no longer a child and I still want to be, to live with the pirates. Because I want to live forever in wonder. The difference between me as a child and me as an adult is this and only this: when I was a child, I longed to travel into, to live in wonder. Now, I know, as much as I can know anything, that to travel into wonder is to be wonder.
So it matters little whether I travel by plane, by rowboat, or by book. Or, by dream. I do not see, for there is no I to see. That is what the pirates know. There is only seeing and, in order to go to see, one must be a pirate. – Kathy Acker
A pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender says,
“Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.”
“What do you mean?” said the pirate, “I feel fine.”
“What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before..”
“Well,” said the pirate, “We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I’m fine now.”
The bartender replied, “Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?”
The pirate explained, “We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight.
My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I’m fine, really.”
“What about that eye patch?”
“Oh,” said the pirate, “One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over.
I looked up, and one of them shit in my eye.”
“You’re kidding, said the bartender. “Can you lose an eye just from bird shit?”
“It was my first day with the hook.”
Pretty soon another pirate walks in.
He’s got a steering wheel hanging out of the front of his pants.
The bartender has to ask. “What’s that for?”
“Arrrrrrrrrgh, I know. It’s drivin’ me nuts.”
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and reports, “One enemy ship on the horizon.”
The captain says, “Bring me my red shirt.”
So the watchman comes back with the garment and asks, “Why did you want your red shirt?”
The captain says, “Because if I get injured, the men won’t see me bleed and they’ll keep on fighting.”
The battle goes well. No men die and little blood is shed.
A few days later, the watchman comes to him again and says, “Twenty enemy ships on the horizon, Captain.”
The pirate replies, “Bring me my brown pants.”
Question: What has 12 arms, 12 legs, and 12 eyes?
Answer: 12 pirates.