“Here’s to me, and here’s to you,
And here’s to love and laughter—
I’ll be true as long as you,
And not one moment after.”
John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said,
“Here’s to spending the rest of me Life,
Lying between the legs of me wife!”
That won him the top prize at the pub
for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary,
“I won the prize for the best toast of the night.”
She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”
John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life,
sitting in church beside me wife.”
“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.
The next day,
Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies
standing on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said,
“John won the prize the other night at the pub
with a toast about you, Mary.”
She said, “Aye, he told me,
and I was a bit surprised myself.
You know, he’s only been in there twice
in the last four years.
Once I had to pull him by the ears
to make him come,
and the other time
he fell asleep.”