Have been diagnosed with Irritable Vowel Syndrome.
Charles Bukowski drawing
where he prophesied me in sketch.
He maybe had two cats
but I have two dogs.
He draws better than I do
but I say those little creatures
are dogs.
Right behind my house there’s a dog
Victor. Looks just like that.
Tell me I’m wrong.
***
Anyway, I wake up:
might feel better if I was dead.
Looked so terribly bad,
zombie bad bad, so bad
my wife kissed my forehead
tears wet her eyes
and she said, scared and already lonely,
please, don’t leave me.
Hell, no, my love,
my sick head told my dry mouth to say,
I’m supposed to be in Daytona Beach
this afternoon.
Please excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.
***
And, of course, the undercronstructionalways
Interstate Fore!
and I have had explosive brown
don’t want to talk about it
Have to meet an old friend.
I promised.
Promised I’d be there.
We went.
Cazzie Topaz Malone has but a single travel rule
He tells me what time to be in the seat
and I’m ready to go wherever.
Excuse me, I have to go
to the bathroom.
***
Detoured on the way
for my family’s traditional cure,
a large chocolate milkshake.
Here I have to stop
my pride so great,
we managed to go out of our way
to witness the only McDonald’s
in the entire fuckin’ country
can’t make a goddamn large chocolate milkshake,
that’s some luck right there,
as My Dear Old Sainted Mother used to say.
Good chance to go to the bathroom.
***
We got there.
Ocean-front, king-size bed.
Refrigerator. Nice.
In a building bigger than
the town I grew up in.
Huge pools, a river adventure,
hot tub better than Hef’s.
I could live here, she said.
I went to the bathroom.
***
Worst weather ever.
Apparently, global climate change
is not all about warming.
A Florida surf town. Wind-chill factor
thirty-five degrees. Not a typo.
Freakinhairinheit.
Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.
Run, Forrest, Run!
***
Luckily, the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company
was exact right next door.
Stupid is as stupid does.
I recommend Lt. Dan’s Drunken Shrimp.
Tasty but noisy. You know the type.
Oh, look, there’s a bathroom.
The only thing good about being shot
in the buttocks
is the ice cream.
That reminds me.
***
Too cold to go outdoors
so I went to the bathroom.
In the end,
no irony intended,
had a great time.