The White Party

A quilt of many colors.

The Party’s symbol is a white wolf. And its nose is still cold.

White is the lightest color and is achromatic (having no hue). It is the color of snow, chalk, and milk, and is the opposite of black. White objects fully reflect and scatter all the visible wavelengths of light. White on television and computer screens is created by a mixture of red, blue, and green light.

Greetings from behind the Red Curtain.

When cable news began covering politics like sports, and you all were choosing sides, only natural we’d end up with crimson pachyderms and blue jackasses.

Reminds me of the Bloods and the Crips. You know, those gangs of the frightened disaffected – without much parental guidance – who joined together as a self-protective community.

With a gang, the first thing to notice is the color codes, put in place to easily identify another gang member or rival – Bloods wear red, Crips wear Blue.

The color blue came in the early 1970’s when a founding member of the Crips, Buddha, was shot and killed. Buddha always wore a blue bandana and so, as tribute to him, a blue bandana is worn by Crip members.

Red. Bloods. Republicans. Some colors choose you.

Obviously, the Democrats chose blue because it looks calm and televises well.

But something I noticed as I walked around my neighborhood – whoever told these mofos a flag is not a sign? – noticed the Star-Spangled Banner’s color scheme involves a third hue.

White.

The Red, White & Blue. White is right there in the middle.

This two-party system is written nowhere in the Constitution as far as I can tell.

A sandwich with nothing in between is just two tasteless wedges.

There is no responsible team to call balls-and-strikes. To tell the Reds and the Blues, you are both often wrong, often simultaneously, pulling in different directions, to the country’s great detriment.

You know I’m right.

The White Party is a quilt of many colors and we are tired of it.

You know what I mean.

The world is such in 2022 it would be easy to fail completely if we all worked together.

You know it’s true.

What chance do we have at war with ourselves?

Not a rhetorical question. Figure everything west of the Mississippi will go to the Chinese.

The White Party is strong on national defense. Seditionists will lose all Class 6 privileges.

The White Party was founded by a white man who thought he was black, or by a black man who thought he was white. Spoke many languages. He could have been a female, records aren’t clear. Neither are the pronouns.

Gone without leaving a name.

You can make one up, if you want.

Don’t believe in science, you lose your phone. Second offense, we make a conspiracy theory come true for you.

Does a Manchin/Sinema ticket make as much sense to you as it does to the White Party?

Need to get those two out of the way somehow.

Secretary Pete, as Chief of Staff, to make sure everything gets done on time and at the lowest cost.

With the various filibuster carve-outs, I can see Chief Justice Stacy Abrams leading a fifteen-judge Supreme Court.

The White Party believes corporations are not people and money is not speech.

A tri-partisan coalition might include Liz Cheney as Attorney General and Adam Kinzinger for Secretary of Defense.

Almost goes without saying, the nomination of Gym Jordan to fill the role of Warden at Guantanamo is just one example of the best people – on both sides – getting the choice assignments.

Greta will head the EPA while Malala will be our Secretary of Education.

The Wall will get built this time, but not where you think.

The White Party will fight poverty, but the White Party will not fight the poor.

Tax rates will return to whatever they were before January 1981. Government has never been the problem. Piece of crap assholes who don’t give a shit are the problem. We’re all backed up.

We will tax Joel Osteen, for starters.

The White Party will decriminalize cannabis federally.
Before you kids get too excited, we couldn’t decide how long mandatory national service should be.

We went with three years. Three years to pull yourself together and maybe do your country good at the same time. Win-win. You won’t want to miss it!

The price of insulin plummets on Day One and Q will reveal theirself.

The White Party has complete disdain for ‘alternate facts.’ White supremacy is obviously an oxymoron.

The White Party will place a Health Warning on both Faux News & FarceBook.

The White Party will automatically register all USA citizens age 18 and over. Election Day will be a paid National Holiday. Our democracy will be protected, strengthened and enhanced.

We need responsible adults in charge.


Almost forgot.

The White Party has established a real estate brokerage, so to speak [see more information below], where we will help exchange your home behind the Red Curtain for a house where maybe they believe in vaccines or evolution.

Our contacts in the Blue Zones – what with the soaring murder rates and skyrocketing high taxes and critically racist theory – can expedite any Red folks looking to move to The Sunshine State.

They won’t come here themselves and they’ll be happy to see you go.

Florida is a “free state.” No snow, no income taxes, no mask mandate. Boa constrictors? Not a serious problem yet.

You want the truth?

It is so freakin’ hot and the little people always get run over and freedumb’s just another word for I’m With Stupid.

Looking to buy a place, you see a flag and know you’re home.

Does that seem crazy to you? Because the Reds are swarming to Florida.

Five or six years of flags flying and For Sale signs.

And you never see an elephant any more.

Just the one in the room.

Admittedly, the White Party may encounter a branding problem in this era in this diverse republic of fifty territories. Themselves segregated and splintered.

Understood.

The White Party does not give a scintilla of an iota about the color of your skin. Not high on orange, I must concede.

Just as there are only a couple of indigenous Americans on the Red team and zero Papa Smurfs on the Blue team, the White Party is not limited to one color.

And if our name is an issue for you, well. then, there you go.




Don’t hate me just because I am blonde.

UPDATE! The Mi Casa, Su Casa Political Housing Exchange has hit a snag. We have completely run out of Republican Welcome Wagons. Actually, just the TRUMP 2024: The Revenge Tour flags.

But nobody’s moving until they get their MAGA hat, anyway.

Our Made In America! supplier in Kentucky says it’s a supply-chain issue.

Looking for a trucker who will work like a enslaved coal miner.

On icy roads without health insurance.

The White Party believes ice is best in a highball and health care is a human right.

Wish I could afford high taxes.


Canada has universal healthcare and British Columbia is temperate.

When Americans Attacked America

We must remember that refugees are almost always people whose homes, family members, and everything they once loved and held dear are either destroyed or seriously at stake…They are simply trapped in a zone in which staying under such circumstances and swallowing humiliation in the “host” countries is unbearable; going home is impossible, because often there is no ‘home’ to go to anymore; and going elsewhere is rarely an option either. This is precisely what “trapped” feels like. – Louis Yako

In case you missed it, here’s a view from the north of our border.

Hopefully, I can make it to a buddy’s place in Spokane and then cross through the woods at night.

Maybe find D.B. Cooper while I’m at it.


REMEMBER THE CAPITOL!!!

https://www.jackdogwelch.com/?p=41595




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