Got up at oh-six-thirty-eight. Waited moments for the fog to dissipate. Sat for a second. Headed to the john. Gargled with a vanilla-mint breath-cleanser and kissed my wife, who was watching the end of another episode of House. She enjoys the problem solving. Together we stared at Your World In Ninety Seconds, about all the news I can endure these days.
Remember Madison Square Garden in the Fifties, a three-ring circus, and elephants and a sideshow which was scary. Lions and tigers and people in shiny tights flying through the air and whips cracking and a guy getting shot out of a cannon. Don’t remember much from that day but I remember this. Asked my mother, Mom, do you think a clown will ever get elected President? Oh, no, honey, that’s not possible. Couldn’t happen, she assured me. She was a teacher and she was my mom. Believed her all my life until just lately.
Take three medications, even though doctor says she can’t fix anything. Love when they use the word “prophylactic” to describe my meds. I have what’s called the Viking-American disease. Sure that sounds sexy enough, but what it means – both palms in large gnarled hands have been filleted and the knuckles are rusty and the fingers broad. What I am trying to get to right here is those three fucking tiny pills are so damn hard to pick up first thing in the day, especially without my glasses, it pisses me off some mornings.
Which is why I kiss my wife first.
Have a system, it’s secret, how I tell myself I have already taken my pills. Have many systems and they are all secrets.
Which is why I stop here.
Here’s one, drag it out of me. State legislature has proposed a bill – computer coding, whatever that is, fulfills a student’s foreign language requirement. I am not making that up. So here’s the secret. Don’t read the local section of the paper first thing in the morning. Can we make poetry a foreign language, cause you know it is. Welding maybe.
Flavored coffee helps. Then there’s the Oh, My God Crime Report. Apopka: Machete drawn in parking spat. Police say a man threatened to kill his neighbor with a machete after an argument over a parking space.
Palm Coast: Cheesy garlic knots lead to fight. A brawl broke out at a pizzeria after an order of garlic knots arrived with cheese on top. Turns out the twenty-five-old woman wanted a refund and didn’t appreciate how the clerk put her money on the counter. And then things just went all to hell.
Most surprising thing for Florida, nobody pulled a gun and started shooting.
Walk my wife to her car. It’s the least I can do. She leans over, picks up my paper so I don’t have to bend down. Kiss her again. Like kissing my wife. Tell her I love her tell her I mean it. Then wait the rest of the day for her the rest to come back.
Try to stay out of trouble and keep busy in between.
There I go, giving out secrets.
Get the mail late in the day. If its good news, you can delay a little longer, if it’s bad news, too late in the day to deal with it. The rest can wait.
A large slick bright thick shiny card addressed to me by my government name from There Is Hope Detoxification Center. Have half a mind – which it would take – to peek out the blinds and look for a drone overhead.
Another large slick bright thick card asks, Is it hearing loss or just earwax? And there’s more: To actually see inside your ear canal – it would be fascinating, wouldn’t it?
I don’t think so.