The Guy With Four Thumbs

If your hands don’t find something they can do, they will find a reason to find that which they can’t do.- Goitsemang Mvula

Let me give you a hand with that.  Just can’t put my finger on the problem.  Smart, got to hand it to you.

Went like that all day long, well, four hours at least.  Did you ever see Lobster Boy?  Like that, only dexterous.

The guy had four thumbs, no fingers and a million jokes about it.  Three fingers were willing to cooperate but the thumb and forefinger were opposed.

The guy with four thumbs was there to install a new five thousand dollar HVAC pump, whatever.  Damn thing had worked just fine up until the hottest weekend of the year.  Five thousand dollars, about three times the cost of the old man’s first new car off the showroom floor.

He was proud not to be among the sixty-seven percent of Americans who can’t come up with an extra grand for emergencies.  Second thought, lucky and blessed.

No work gloves for me!

The AC unit was an upgrade some thirty-one years ago.  Worn out and used up, they told him.  He knew how that felt.  This unit doesn’t owe you anything, they told him.

Knew how that felt, too.

Hey, which hand do you use to grab a poisonous snake?  Okay, I’ll bite.

Someone else’s.

You’d think he’d be handicapped, they told him, talking as the guy with four thumbs ran off to get a screwdriver from the shop van.  There’s nothing he can’t do.

Later.  The guy with four thumbs came crawling out from under the house.  Hey, mister, you got some critters under there.

But they’re dead, right?

Oh, yeah, just a couple of little skeletons.

The old man marveled at the guy with four thumbs.  His spirit was an infectious reality check.  It is what it is and life goes on, so you might as well go with it and try to enjoy the ride best you can.  Hard to needlepoint on a pale pillow but true nonetheless.

You should give motivational talks, nights and weekends, supplement your income, the old man said.  Feeling better just looking at this guy.

Oh, no, that’s not going to happen.

So, there is something you can’t do.  He smiled.

And then the guy with four thumbs asked the old man, Why do men ask for a woman’s hand in marriage?  Another smile.

Because they are tired of using their own.

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