Each fall the mailbox fills with Christmas catalogs selling an array of unnecessary trinkets made in foreign countries and a plethora of snarky t-shirts composed I dare not guess.
These shirts offer a annual microsection, a slice, if you will, of the American psyche.
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Not everyone can be THE QUEEN. Some of you have to Sit on the Curb and Wave as I go by.
I carry a gun because I can’t carry a cop.
You make me WISH I had more MIDDLE FINGERS!
I love everybody. Some I love to be AROUND, some I love to AVOID and others I would love to PUNCH in the FACE.
Sitting beside my Husband, I said, “I LOVE YOU!” He replied, “Is that YOU or the WINE TALKING?” I said, “IT’S ME… TALKING TO THE WINE!”
I finally figured out what I want to be when I grow older… Younger!
MY DOG ISN’T SPOILED. I’m just well trained.
Let’s stop sending money to other countries and let them hate us for free.
The nice part about living in a small town is that when I don’t know what I am doing, somebody else does.
If I was meant to pop out of bed, I would sleep in a toaster.
A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
I don’t trip over things. I do random gravity checks.
Before you judge me, make sure you’re perfect.
I thought I was having a hot flash, then realized it was just my boobs in my coffee.
For all those men who say “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free!” Here’s an update for you. Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
***
The old man was thinking about getting the young redhead a retirement present. She had a countdown calendar going, kind of a reverse of a United Fund thermometer, clicking off the time remaining in her career. Three-hundred and forty-six days to go.
Goodbye TENSION Hello PENSION.
But if you buy something, any damn thing, even a toy for a sick kid in the hospital, they send you catalogs for the next decade.
And here’s where the sociology kicks in. Not one of these t-shirts is available in size Small.
TwoXL NO PROBLEM!