Been a political consultant more than I care to recall. My record? Oh and Forever.
I have tried to help Democratic candidates. Tried and tried and tried. Dawns on me, they’ve all been men. Hmmm.
Who digresses in the second line? Might be a record. Jobs. Jobs. Jobs.
These guys I advised, first words out of their mouth, peace in our time, clean water, transgender rights, give me your tired, humble, your poor.
Bullshit. Voters don’t give a healthy crap about any of that. True story: gave the last candidate a half-dozen Stars & Stripes neckties.
The dork still kept yapping about nuclear disarmament and treaty rights of Native Americans. Geezus.
I call it Snail Darter Syndrome. Then I say, give me one-fifty an hour and I will counsel with our mantra. Jobs. Jobs. Jobs.
Now, repeat after me.
Going over to the darkside. Too old to lose another election. Besides, the right pays better. It’s easier, too.
Just aim at the lowest uncommon denominator, hot button issues. They don’t even have to make sense.
Not getting any younger. One reason for an anti-establishment, replace the establishment with yourself.
Thinking maybe #collaboration. Money to be made.
Jobs. Jobs. Jobs.
Since 1980 thereabouts, Republicans have taken over almost everything except the cities.
Oddly enough, where most wealthy have their pied-de-terres.
And hold their charity balls.
Heheheh. Charity balls. Locker room talk, get it? Beavis and Butthead running the White House. We are so close.
Look, immigrants!! Taking our jobs. Jobs. Jobs. Jobs.
Plus they have money to invest in right-wing, nationalist,Glengarry Glen Ross conservativism, privatizing, voucherizing, tax-cutting, border-hardening freedom.
Like we haven’t had for the last eight years.
We want change. Nothing less. Reform ain’t enough. Jobs. Jobs. Jobs.
Slogans. Notice how she had a sixteen point program and he had a four word slogan.
She backed up her ideas with voluminous position papers; he shortened his slogan to two words.
You have to cherry pick the single issues. Strict constructionist? Check. Pro-life? Check.
Don’t even worry about those folks, they’ve been voting the same way for half a century and the right to choose matches on, like a pink pussy hat.
Gun rights? Check. There might be grizzly bears headed toward your child’s daycare right now.
Jobs. Jobs. Jobs. We all know those jobs aren’t coming back. Sure, we do. But the Great Unwashed don’t.
Pivot. Distract. The voters have spoken. Mandate to… can’t say loot, can’t say plunder, rape’s no good… reform. Yeah, that’s it.
We’ll deregulate. Fish can handle more pollution. They’ll just have to evolve.
Not that we believe in evolution.
Fish were busing in from other states and there’s proof.
“We won’t let the fake news tell us what to do,” as the President said. So, we combat fake news with more fake news.
And forget endangered species. WE’RE the endangered species if we don’t get some change.
By which I mean improvement. Look, over there, a squirrel spinning plates.
The lame stream media is not reporting on the threat of dangerous circus animals. That’s a shame.
Jobs. Jobs. Jobs.
He’s inherited a mess and he’s the only one who can fix it.
Please write your check to “Looks Like A Duck, Walks Like A Duck LLC.”
Money. Money. Money.
